Hurricane People and Storm Shelters

While churning away on the eliptical Saturday at Planet Fitness, I saw the very beginning of Sandra Bullock movie called “The Proposal.”  As the movie opens, a busy office is on high alert because their  oppressive, driven boss is walking through the door. “It’s Here!” they message each other in the on their bulky 2008 computers.  (See clip below)

Most of us at one time or another have been associated with a person that causes pandemonium upon their arrival. These are the hurricane people. If you are in ministry, politics or involved in any aspect of a school system, you’ve definitely been there and know them by name.  Here are a few real life examples:

Many years ago a pastor, dissatisfied with the choir’s performance walked up to the podium to preach and said, “Well that was a little sub par. Choir stand to your feet. Let’s show them how it’s done.” Then he turned around and conducted the choir HIMSELF as they re-sang the song.  Can you imagine the humiliation of the minister of music? You’d think that the pastor would be reprimanded, but he was a gifted speaker and the band played on.

In an office, long, long ago, there was a department director of a ministry who would habitually pilfer through the refrigerator and eat other people’s lunches.  Believe me, I’m not making this up. An administrative lady caught him eating her lunch and she said, “You owe me five dollars.” His face turn red as he wiped his mouth after finishing her chicken salad in the Tupperware bowl.

“What?” He barked.

“I said, you owe me five dollars because now I’m going to have to buy my lunch.”

“Why do I have to buy your lunch?” He said acting like he didn’t understand.

“Because you just ate mine. It has my name on it.”

“Do you know who I am?”

But the administrative assistant held her ground. “Of course I know who you are. I’ve worked here for years!”

Finally he pulled a five dollar bill out of his wallet, wadded it up and threw it at her!

These are the hurricanes.

A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.
Proverbs 29:11

A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.
Proverbs 18:2

Hurricanes are often gifted, brutal narcissists. They get the work done but have blind spots regarding work relationships, especially regarding subordinates. A friend of mine who was a media minister was ordered to fire up the studio cameras for a pastor who was going to be on television. His assistant rolled in several sport coats, and despite my friend having a load of real work to do, he asked him to let him see himself on the monitor with each coat on, one by one,  in order to select the one that made him look the best. The process lasted for two hours.

One of my most frequent prayers is simply, Lord, please shelter me from the hurricanes in my life, and help me to never be one.

There are hurricane people and then there are storm shelter people. These are the safe people who you go to, when life is brutal. You know you will be refreshed, restored, and replenished by them. You won’t get judgment.

I want to be like the man of Isaiah 32:2:

A man will be as a hiding place from the wind,
And a cover from the tempest,
As rivers of water in a dry place,
As the shadow of a great rock in a weary land.”

Oh, if I could be that man for everyone around me! A place to hide in the path of the storm…

Storm Shelters include Barnabas, Jonathan, and John.  They don’t have to be the lead guy. They are fierce in loyalty and love.

Storm Shelter People have some common characteristics:

  • They keep secrets. We all need people we can tell our secrets to. They make us whole.  Storm Shelter people keep their word and honor your secrets like a sacred trust.
  • They are ruthlessly in your court no matter what. They refuse to walk away when everybody else does.
  • Storm Shelter people are truth tellers and yet what they speak is always infused with love and commitment.
  • Storm shelter people never stop you mid sentence with “Enough about you, lets talk about me for a minute”  or with a behavior that communicates that phrase. Their nature is listening actively and there’s healing in their silence.

I really want to be a storm shelter to my friends. I want to be a person of the highest integrity and devotion to the people in my tribe. There have been days when I have failed. But I believe I’m getting better at it. God is reinforcing my walls and building my fortifications.

More than being known or admired, I hope I’ll be a shelter to people because there have been so many storm shelter people who have saved my life when the weather radar is swirling in red.




Ask, Seek and Knock: The Jesus Approach to Prayer

*Here's the Download for the Sermon

Jesus invites us to ask (and keep on asking), to seek (and keep on seeking) to knock (and keep on knocking).  See Matthew 7:7

In this passage, I sense that Jesus is challenging us to pray continually in three different paradigms.

1:  To Ask–  This is the practice of vocalization.

So often my prayers are scattered shards of synapses. These are thought prayers which can be effective, but not as effective as the prayer spoken aloud in the closet. Our vocal chords are effective tools in private prayer when we speak out to God and in ear-shot of the powers and principalities of this dark age. The sound of your voice in prayer speaks volumes, not only to God but to your own soul. Practice making prayers vocal.

You do not have because you do not ask. James 4:2

Call to Me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know. Jeremiah 33:3

2.  To Seek– This is the practice of curiosity in prayer.

We enter into a sleuthing of God’s fingerprints in prayer. We are hunting for His movement. Spying his aspect… To seek as a praying believer is to never lose your curiosity in the movement and mystery of the Divine.

You will find Him if you seek him with all your heart and with all your soul” Deuteronomy 4:29).

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. Hebrews 11:6

In a sense I believe that all faith has an element of curiosity to it. Think about Peter on the boat. He must have been curious about this water walking business. Think about Zacchaeus. He must have been very curious about the dinner guest to give away such glorious tax refunds. Faith is often a unique mixture of curiosity and desperation. And I would argue that Thomas’ doubting was caused by a curiosity deficit.

Curiosity may have killed the cat, but it has saved many a sinner.

3. To Knock— This is the practice of initiative.

In order to knock we must first approach the door. I must admit, I have a strange phobia about knocking.  Maybe my scars that those Evangelism Explosion cold calls of the 80s have had a traumatic effect on my psyche. Nothing gets me more anxious, for some reason, than to knock on a door. Some people get a real thrill out of a door knock.  Not me. I admit it. I’m weird that way. Knocking on the door takes initiative and courage. When we knock and no one comes, there’s always that question of how long we should wait before we give up, stop knocking, and move on to the next big idea or possibility. Jesus implored us to continue to knock in prayer, even if there is no answer. Jesus knows what it’s like to stand at the door and knock. He’s been knocking on the doors of churches for years. For some churches, I would imagine that He’s been knocking for centuries with no entry yet granted. But He’s knocking, still knocking patiently.

So think about that when you consider how long you’ve waiting for that mate, that prodigal or that healing. After all, time is relative.

 




The Ultimate Fixer Upper Reveal

I just finished reading Joanna and Chip Gaines, The Magnolia Story. By the way, it’s a great read, even for guys like me that end up as accidental HGTV viewers. In the book, the Gaines share amazing stories of how their lives intersected and through courage, faith and perseverance God began to build things in their lives that they never dreamed would happen.

For me there is a biblical moment in every one of their shows, It’s the big reveal. They bring the home owners by their newly redesigned house with a huge photo of the pre-renovated house masking its fresh paint, new porch, replaced shutters and new landscaping. Of course, it’s the dramatic climax of every show as they roll the huge photo away, a moment complete with tears, hugs and ‘wow’s.

The biblical moment for me is the connection we find in Ezekiel 40 when God reveals to Ezekiel the New City and the New Temple.

He brought me there (to the new city). In visions of God, He took me to the land of Israel and set me down on a very high mountain. On its southern slope was a structure resembling a city. Ezekiel 40:1-3 (CSB)

This was God’s big reveal as he walked Ezekiel through the New City and Temple which represent a time when we all will see the glory of God’s perfect work. Complete with eye-popping design, renovation and beauty.

I’m reminded that this world is  a fixer upper. The societal landscape is full of weeds, leaky pipes, stained carpet, faulty tile, and messy closets. They present themselves as lies, injustice, starvation, human trafficking, hypocrisy, hate and dirty politics. But even now, God is at work.

We have the same responsibility that Ezekiel received in verse 4:

He spoke to me: “Son of man, look with your eyes, listen with your ears, and pay attention to everything I am going to show you, for you have been brought here so that I might show it to you. Report everything you see.”

We get to share the big reveal of our soon-to-be home, that Jesus is preparing. It’s what we do as believers.

Remember His promise?

 In My Father’s house are many dwelling places; if not, I would have told you. I am going away to prepare a place for you.  If I go away and prepare a place for you, I will come back and receive you to Myself, so that where I am you may be also.  You know the way to where I am going.

I don’t know about you, but after a rough year of lies, violence, injustice, terror, and protests, I’m ready for our new digs. In the meantime, let’s do the two things He’s asked us to do. Do “big reveals” of the Kingdom to come and  pick up a hammer and renovate the fixer upper we have in front of our eyes today.




WARNING

This book contains

  • Lion hunts
  • Giant death matches
  • Angel wrestling
  • Honeymoon Bride Mix-ups
  • Blazing Chariots
  • Talking Mules
  • Sorcerers
  • Sword fights
  • Fire-walking
  • Streakers
  • Supernatural apparitions
  • Shipwrecks
  • Exorcisms
  • Romance
  • Nights afloat
  • Blues songs
  • Bear attacks
  • Ambushes
  • Snake pits
  • Man-eating fish

This book cannot be tamed. It’s not a comedy of manners complete with tea and crumpets. It’s gritty. It is messy. It is divine. I had the wrong idea for a very long time. I used to believe that the Bible was an answer book when all along it was a book comprised of something much greater than answers.

The Bible isn’t just a set of archaic stories for scholars to debate. God help us all if we ever go the way of so many puffed up proof-texters debating Greek verb tenses and  excoriating each other about immoveable objects and unstoppable forces.

The Bible wasn’t written for scholars. It was written for followers.

God didn’t give us the Bible so we could perform intellectual gymnastics. He gave us the Bible so that we would begin to pattern everything in our lives around it. He didn’t give us the Bible so we could make sense of it. He gave us the Bible so that it could make sense of us. In this Book you’ll find flawed heroes who faced giants, floods, betrayal, dungeons, wars, tornadoes, earthquakes, liars, starvation, bankruptcy, illness, shipwrecks, arrows, swords, divorce, and adultery.

This is a Book of danger. Sometimes the good guys die before they win. There are moments of last-minute rescues, unmerited grace, and ultimate victory because there is a Hero who walks over the face of this Book. He’s on every page. He’s in every heartbreak and mindbending moment.

He’s in the stone that sent a giant falling like a tree.
He’s in the furnace that blazes but never burns.
He’s in the deep closets of hopelessness.
He’s riding on the waves.
And we get to see Him soon.


The Bible will ambush your preconceptions and lay siege to the beachheads of your loneliness. I pray the revolution of Holy Words begins today—from your habits to your mission. I pray that everything will be focused around the voice of God; but not in a safe, calculating way but rather in a radical, holy way. It’s the only rabbit hole worth falling into. Listen to the whisper of God through Scripture. Let this journey consume every corner of your life.

When the journey is over, let’s meet up at the big feast. I’ll be the guy trying his darndest to shake hands with Jeremiah. 




Waiting, Prodigals, and Prayer

As I wait for my prodigal to return, I am learning. I’m learning about family dynamics, addiction, and culture. I am learning about nights awake, bargaining, denial and anything to forget. I’m learning about doubt and all those things never spoken on “Christian” television. I am learning about how deep in the bones we are connected to our kids. And yet I know love is greater than anything else I’ve experienced. Love mixed with wonder not the wonder of the Rockies, of sunsets, or breathtaking moments. No, this is a different kind of wonder. I wonder if I will see the day he is free. I wonder if he’ll disappear one day taking a greyhound to the new far country. I wonder if all these days of praying will be climatically halted by the sound of door, a phone or a siren. Or will I just wait and wonder and wonder and wonder…


Everybody waits…

You’ve waited, mesmerized by the thought you might someday arrive. You ask- When am I going to find His will? Do I have to wait until? You’ve waited for your son to turn to God. You’ve waited for that love of a lifetime to show up. You prayed for a baby you could hold in your arms. You agonized over how that one word “malignancy” could shatter, scatter, all your preconceptions about God. Alone, you’ve wept bitterly. You’ve prayed consistently. You say, “It doesn’t make sense to me.” You laugh whimsically, about dreams you buried long ago. Every yes turned to no. So you are a Christian- but you have nothing to show. You wonder, “Why is everything so difficult for me?” You cry out to a silent God and wonder,

“Does he care?”
“Is He aware?”
“Why am I stuck here in a line that doesn’t move?”
“Who stole my groove?”
“God, sometimes You just don’t make sense.”

Sometimes. Many times. I wince at the thought that this whole thing is a joke on me Not any sort of divine destiny.

Waiting…

Praying…

Faithing…

But you fear. You fear that you’ve missed out

You shout: Are you even listening?

“I’m tired of watching sand fall through the hourglass.”

“When will I be free from pain?”

“Will I ever love again?”

“Why don’t you do something?”

“I’m in prison.”

“I’m stuck.”

“Where is this promised land?”

“All I ever see is sand.”

But as the noisy rush of life winds down. And we stop and listen. When we scan the horizon of our soul, we hear his voice.

Still and small

Over all

He is there.

In the middle of my mess.

In my brokenness.

In his time.

He is ready

We can stand in confidence blest

The teacher never talks during the test.

He IS watching

And I resolve to wait

He is near.

I will surrender my time

To his time

And in His time. I will stand.

 

Jesus is calling you to give up your temporary life for something eternal.  

In a race, many run but only one wins the Gold. Go for the gold! Swing for the fences! Win the prize. If you want to be an athlete you work out, go through the drills, and treat your body like a temple. And if you win, that’s great! The crowd roars and the trophy is hoisted in the air. But after all the shouting, the stadium empties and the glory days fade. In the grand scheme of things, you don’t hold the crown forever. There will be other races, other teams, and amazing moments, but for us- the crown we get will never fade. This Championship is for the ages.

I Corinthians 9:24-25 (Conversational Bible)

If we really want to hear from God we must be prepared to hear what He says to us. Often, we treat him like Santa Claus. He knows the naughty and nice of our lives and if he checks it twice and we pass, then (as Pedro in Napoleon Dynamite promised) all of our wildest dreams will come true! This is not the economy of Heaven. To change the world we must pray harder prayers. Below is an ancient prayer that often wrecks me when I stumble across it.

The Franciscan Four Fold Prayer

  • May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart.
  • May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.
  • May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain into joy.
  • And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.

 

Here’s an important question I have to ask myself as I listen for God’s voice:

 

Am I willing to wait for the call of God?

So many times I try to do things that will somehow orchestrate a response from God. I forget that I am the one who is often impatient and unwilling to respond to His whispers.

God still answers our inquiries this way.  

Me:  I thought you were going to provide for my needs.

HIM: Yes, but I have something to teach you.

Me: Didn’t you say that you’ll answer my prayers?

HIM: Yes, but if you’ll just wait on me I’ll answer questions that are more important than your requests.

Me: Can I really know You more, deeper, with more certainty?

HIM: Yes, but it’s going to require everything you have.

We ask questions. He answers with even greater mystery.  

The story of answered prayer throughout scripture is a testament to the irony of grace. I’ve experienced the same unpredictable God that my brothers who died thousands of years ago experienced.

They asked for multitude. God gave them a remnant.

They asked for comfort. God gave them a cross.

They asked for control. God showed them a whirlwind.

And some say God doesn’t answer prayers?

Waiting is personal for me as I wait for a prodigal to return to God.  

I wait and wonder.

Pray again.

Question.

Pray some more.

Look under the hood.

Pull out the books.

Read.

Listen to way too many stories of other sons and other fathers.

Pray some more and then:

“Oh my! It’s been 10 years of waiting!”

I hear-tell some have waited much longer.




Fake News that Many Christians Believe

Frankly, I’m tired of hearing about fake news. Fake news draws in the gullible at an alarming rate. You’ve certainly had friends on social media post links about all sorts of deliberately crafted lies in order to press an agenda. And It’s not just the world outside the church. We see incredulous, hyperbolic news to support the Christian worldview also. But we all know that the concept of fake news is not new. And it’s not confined to social media. It’s not only from TV preachers and Christian music that doesn’t square up to the truth about life or God. Lots of fake news just sneaks into our consciousness like a theif, stealing our joy, courage and authenticity. The enemy has been posting fake news for centuries. Here are four examples of fake news many Christians believe.

God will accept you once you get your act together.

We so often fail to approach the throne with confidence because we feel that Jesus is angry and dissatisfied with us as followers. We magnify all our failures and live in a shadow of shame and self-condemnation.

Here’s a truth bomb from Brother Paul:

There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.
Romans 8:1

After the resurrection Jesus pursued a reunion with a denier, a doubter, and a number of deserting disciples.

He’s not the ogre waiting for us to forget to floss so he can swat us with his golden fly swatter. He’s not a passive god who sits around drumming his fingers on the throne, watching CNN for the latest on world-sized problems while yawning at our infinitesimal requests.

That’s not who God is. He is with you and He is for you.

Salvation happens when you get all the facts right.

Salvation is not an intellectual hoop to jump through. It is belief in Jesus even though you are sometimes struggling to understand everything. Children certainly don’t understand everything and yet Jesus tells us to come to Him as children with all our uncertainties and struggles.

The church often minimizes the process of salvation to a doctrinal game of jeopardy. On the contrary, your faith is not dependent upon you having the correct view of the 70 weeks of Daniel. Thank you, Jesus!  It has always been about faith and faith is not without its mysteries. In fact, faith is all about the mystery. Celebrate the mysteries and love Jesus.

If you pray right, you’ll get everything you request.

One of the greatest struggles most believers experience is the perplexity of unanswered prayers.  It’s easy for us to view prayer as a giant vending machine with the candy bar stuck in the machinery. The more we invest in it the more frustrating we become with the process. This is the time to move forward in prayer knowing that God has a better view of our lives than we do. Trust that He will work in His own way and His own time. But NEVER stop partnering with Him in prayer. You will find the reward of unanswered prayers: greater faith and dependence upon God.

God wants you to be pain free. 

Pain is one of God’s greatest teaching tools. The pain you experience will further your growth, cause you to depend on Him, and allow you to help others.

Paul’s thorn in the flesh, though a mystery, was painful. Still he writes:

But he (Jesus) said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:8-9
Pain is actually a sign that God has not given up on you!

 

So there you have it–Four fake news items all Christians struggle with from time to time. What fake news have you discovered. I’d love to here about it. Hopefully discovering fake news is good news today!




Tell Me the Story

A hymn or worship reading.

#1:The gospel is the story that pierces,

#3: molds,

#1: feeds,

#2: reveals,

#3: penetrates,

#1: sanctifies,

#3: heals,

#1: humbles,

#2: and saves.

#3: “Tell me the story,” we sing,

#1: and they did—

#3: that great cloud of witnesses.

#2: And the story continues—

#3: the story of Abraham, the pilgrim,

#1: Isaac, the miracle,

#2: Joshua, the conqueror,

#3: Amos, the prophet,

#1: Moses, the deliverer,

#2: Elijah, the challenger,

#3: John the Baptist,

#1: Mary Magdalene, the redeemed,

#2: Peter the Rock,

#3: Paul the apostle,

#1: and John the Beloved,

#2: whose mortal ears heard what we long to hear:

#3: the voices of the angels singing around the throne of our King Jesus.

All: Holy—Holy—Holy!

#3: The story marched through the ages with resolve and purpose. These were the men and women who trusted the ancient truthes found on the pages of God’s word

#2: Martin Luther,

#1: Joan of Arc,

#3: St. Francis of Assisi,

#3: William Carey,

#1: John Knox,

#2: John Wesley,

#3: B. B. McKinney,

#1: R. G. Lee,

#2: Jim Elliot,

#1: Karl Bart,

#2: Annie Armstrong,

#3: Fanny Crosby,

#1: Lottie Moon,

#2: D. L. Moody,

#1: Corrie Ten Boom,

#3: Watchman Nee,

#1: Martin Luther King, Jr.,

#3: Mother Teresa,

#2: and all those who are called to listen

#3: and to serve

#1: and to tell the story.

#2: to write on their heart every word.

#3:And the story continues.

#1: What story will you leave on Earth?

#3: Will it be your story?

#2: Or will it be His Story?

#1: What story will you tell throughout your days?

#3: Let us tell it well.

All: (Whispered) Amen

 

 




Praying Before the Day

The second chapter of Joel reminds us to not only live for today. We must live for THE DAY. It’s a constant struggle to keep our focus on the fact that everything around us that we can touch with our hands will all be gone, leaving only our relationships and connection with our Source, Jesus. So how do we live for THE DAY when things once clouded will be seen face to face?

  1. Return to God (v12)

 “Turn to Me with all your heart, With fasting, with weeping, and with mourning.”

Spiritual preparation begins and ends with prayer. All our striving to be somebody must be overshadowed and minimized. Our prayers should reach the throne of God in wholeheartedness. Turning to God means that we cast aside our own desires for a greater calling: knowing and trusting Him.

    1. Reunite the Family (v.16)

Gather the people, Sanctify the congregation, Assemble the elders, Gather the children and nursing babes; Let the bridegroom go out from his chamber, And the bride from her dressing room.

God invites us into the celebration of the feast to come. Our task is to gather and unite the often splintered family to receive the groom.

  • This happens before THE DAY.
  • It requires forgiveness and reconciliation in the face of our deepest wounds.
  • We are instigators of grace in all its aspects.
  • This is the hard work that brings the Kingdom of God to this blue marble called Earth.
  1. Receive the Savior (v. 19)

“Behold, I will send you grain and new wine and oil, and you will be satisfied by them”

The symbolism of bread, wine and oil tells the entire story of redemption.

  • Bread- His Body
  • Wine- His Blood
  • Oil- the ointment of healing
  1. Restore the blessings (v. 25)

“So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the crawling locust, the consuming locust, and the chewing locust.”

The locusts have ravaged the cosmos. They’ve wrecked our world. They eat into blessing. Whether it is a wound, a broken relationship, or a death. The story of redemption is a story of reconciliation of the things that were taken from us. God’s promise is strong. We must celebrate that He will make all things new.

  1. Recapture the dreams (v.28)

Your sons and your daughters shall prophesy. Your old men shall dream dreams. Your young men shall see visions.

Beloved, live in the reality of the redemption story and your dreams will be rekindled and will flourish like the opening of a rose. Dead dreams will rise from the ashes of our brokenness and pain. We will look forward and not backwards We will view life as the great saga of grace that it truly is. If only we will could celebrate the majesty and holiness of today! This morning we are one step closer to the coming of the Bridegroom amidst the perils of the present.

Even so Lord Jesus, Come!

Download Listening Sheet




Solving that Annoying Problem of Church Growth

For some people, church growth can be rather tedious. Parking problems, the new people to get to know, the reduction of political power due to the influx of new people that don’t know you, the extra wear on the carpet, the noise of young children, the overuse of bathroom facilities…you name it. So as we contemplate growth I thought I’d share a few ideas that could very well solve the spread of people throughout the foyer of your church’s worship center.

So, just for fun, may I submit to you 25 tried and true ideas for solving the annoying problem of church growth. Pick a couple and see what happens.

    1. Begin your message with the phrase, “You know what’s wrong with you people…”
    2. Place the Student Sunday school space near the “Ruth class” for ladies 70 and above.
    3. Move Business Meetings to Sunday Morning and open up the floor by asking, “So does anybody have beefs?”
    4. Begin that year-long sermon series on the 70 weeks of Daniel.
    5. Place a Polygraph machine on the front pew to be used during the invitation time.
    6. Place tire puncture strips in the parking lot for cars going the wrong way before Sunday School.
    7. Pick a NASCAR driver as your favorite and complain about all the other drivers (this works best in Alabama).
    8. Place the Roller Coaster “You must be this tall” sign at the entrance of the Worship Center. (And make it stand about 5’8 ½”)
    9. Keep the Christmas Pageant livestock in the church choir room year round.
    10. Announce that on high attendance Sunday, if the goal is met, everyone will kiss the pig!
    11. If your auditorium slopes downward to the platform give every kid under 12 a handful of marble before the service.
    12.  Give the deacons the ability to “gong” the special music.
    13.  Place the outdoor welcome center tent a few feet from the septic tank.
    14.  Replace the pictures of former pastors with pictures of Larry, Moe, and Curly.
    15.  Start arranging marriages in the single department.
    16.  Put a blank for weight on the membership forms.
    17.  Invite the “Cops” crew along during hospital visits.
    18. Demand madatory drug tests for all senior adult excursions.
    19.  In order to feel relevant, say “Dude” 15 times from the pulpit each Sunday.
    20.  Have organist play hockey cheers at pivotal moments of the sermon.
    21. Place armed guards in front of the Sunday School Supply Closet.
    22. Before the offertory hymn have the worship leader scream, “Show Me the Money”
    23.  Charge tolls for use of restrooms.
    24.  Illustrate all sermons or Sunday School lessons with scenes from “Walker Texas Ranger.”
    25.  Use the “The Voice” format for staff hirings.



Holy From Beginning to End

Before the first man had first breath

Before the mystery of death

Angels worshiped the Holy one

The majesty of God’s own Son

From infinite past he was and is and is to come

Holy

Holy above all living things

Before the glory of every king

Holy beyond man’s striving for power

Holy beyond man’s grandest hour

Holy

His fingers cast the stars in place

Holy

The fiery jewels in distant space

Separating land from sea

The master of eternity

His grand design, His perfect plan

To reconcile the fate of man.

Holy

He could not look on sin

Holy

And on a cruel hill

Among the vulgar accusation

The wreck of every wayward nation

He took the cruel condemnation

The dagger deep of dark damnation

The angels watched in disbelief

The sky was torn. a mother’s grief

This God who crafted night and day

This Son of God, had found a way

To take the burden of the sin

The holy one in human skin

No peace on Earth

No Kings would bow

Betrayed, alone

Our punishment- a tragedy

God, why have you forsaken me?

The grand moment of redemption and

The death sentence of hate

History’s darkest hour

The triumph of sins power

Or so it seemed

But in this act

Man’s deepest shame

Is now redeemed.