I sometimes hear myself say, “Nothing surprises me. I’ve seen it all. The good, the bad and the slightly unattractive.” But that’s not exactly true. I am constantly surprised.

I’ve seen sucker punches on the church parking lot, midnight hospital runs, camel poop stains on church carpets which incited business meetings, witches getting saved, and also lots and lots of things I can only explain by saying “Well, you just had to be there.”

In fact, leadership surprises me.  I came into the ministry with certain preconceived notions about how everything worked and more than a dozen times, I’ve left a conundrum scratching my head because I learned that I had it all wrong. Just the opposite of my clinical understanding was true. Here are six simple truths that surprise me.

Leadership is NOT getting everyone to agree on everything.

Unity is primary to the church. Paul used lots of ink communicating the power of unity and the tragedy of schisms within the church. But if you ever get to the point where you feel you’ve got to get unanimous votes, you’ll set yourself up for failure, disappointment, and unnecessary obsessing. There is power in uniting what your deacons, staff, and leaders do agree on while also respecting those whose opinions vary even in the nuances of a ministry strategy. The most successful leadership teams I’ve seen are the ones that can disagree but choose to galvanize the mission by presenting a united front to the church after a decision is made.

In the words of one older deacon, “I don’t like the drums up there. I’m not comfortable with it. But if that’s what our strategy is going to reach my grandkids, let’s do it. I’ve got plenty of Happy Goodman Family CDs in my car. I’m all good.“

That is leadership and, yes, it is surprising, crazy-talk leadership.

Leadership requires fear and hate.

When I think of leadership, I think of the word courageous. But inherent in every leader, there must also be fear and hate.

We must fear many things! We must fear leading alone. We need each other. The warmest words a pastor will ever hear during conflict is, “I’ve got your back.” We must fear complacency, sin, temptation, impurity, and missing God in the mission.

We must also hate a few things. We must hate gossip, lies, shadow missions, and a score of other things that jeopardize our mission and the church. Leaders must hate with great skill the things we should hate.

Think about it. We serve a God who hates. In Proverbs, the Bible tells us of this Holy God who hates seven things:

Haughty Eyes
A Lying Tongue
Hands That Kill The Innocent
A Heart That Plots Evil
Feet That Race To Do Wrong
A False Witness Who Pours Out Lies
A Person Who Sows Discord In A Family

Be a godly leader and hate the right stuff.

Leadership is as much about the journey as it is about getting from Paint A to Point B.

Jesus was a traveling leader who had a busy three-year tour of the Middle East on foot, boats and donkey. But if you read the gospels, the destinations usually took a back seat to what happened along the way. Demons, storms, dead guys, Romans, tax collectors, roadside meals, wave walking…. Wow! There was a lot to see along the journey.

As Forrest Gump said: “Now, it used to be, I ran to get where I was goin’. I never thought it would take me anywhere.”

Our greatest moments in leadership often occur along the way and not simply at the destination.

Leadership is not about knowing what should be done.

There are lots of people who know what should be done, but churches are often hamstrung because nobody is DOING what should be done. Mental gymnastics and philosophical leadership should be left to the Pharisees. We are called to be disciples. The very word connotes action.

Leadership is about failing often.

Yes, this seems very ironic. But if your team is counting on home runs every time they try to lead people, then frustration will soon follow. In the same breath, we must do everything we can to achieve our goals. It’s true: God doesn’t ask us to be successful; He asks us to be faithful. Results are a God thing, not an “us” thing. And sometimes the only way we get it right is by getting it wrong and correcting course.

Leadership is not a personality type

Leaders come in all styles, colors, shapes and shoe-sizes. Some of the greatest leaders I know are introverts. They are listeners and when they speak, people listen. Do you know what kind of leaders you need on the team? Quiet leaders who listen and contemplate. Loud leaders who aren’t afraid of a microphone. Skilled leaders who know how to fix a septic tank or a computer. Funny leaders who provide joy and excitement. (I think you know where I’m going with this.)

We need writers, huggers, finger-in-your-chest leaders, poets, carpenters, negotiators, and truth tellers.

There is a place at the leadership table for them all.

So there you have it- 6 things that surprise me about leadership. What surprises you?

Our world is obsessed with the paranormal. Horror and the supernatural are top at the box office. Paranormal games sell millions in the gaming industry. Tales of zombies, rising bed sheets in the middle of the night, UFO’s threatening to steal all our resources, and vampires hitting on hot girls- It’s all there! As I walked through our public library I was dumbfounded to find three shelves of horror and paranormal teen fiction books. Those books dominated that section of the library. Why is this? Some might argue that we all want to escape from the normal life but I would argue that students and adults take in these kinds of resources to better understand the real life that hovers under the radar of this planet. They are seeking explanations for the fantastically unpredictable and ever-present nature of the spirit world. What they find in most cases, is a misinterpreted gumbo of random theories and propositions about death, evil, and the invisible battle that rages within them. The Bible provides an interpretation of the supernatural and spiritual aspects of the cosmos. It doesn’t dismiss the concept of demons and horror, but rather gives us an opportunity to process its reality in a logical, orderly manner. Just look at the border war that took place between Jesus and demons in Mark 5

They Travel in Herds

They went across the lake to the region of the Gerasenes.[a] 2 When Jesus got out of the boat, a man with an impure spirit came from the tombs to meet him. 3 This man lived in the tombs, and no one could bind him anymore, not even with a chain. 4 For he had often been chained hand and foot, but he tore the chains apart and broke the irons on his feet. No one was strong enough to subdue him. 5 Night and day among the tombs and in the hills he would cry out and cut himself with stones.

6 When he saw Jesus from a distance, he ran and fell on his knees in front of him. 7 He shouted at the top of his voice, “What do you want with me, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? In God’s name don’t torture me!” 8 For Jesus had said to him, “Come out of this man, you impure spirit!”

9 Then Jesus asked him, “What is your name?”

“My name is Legion,” he replied, “for we are many.” 10 And he begged Jesus again and again not to send them out of the area.

Read Mark 5:1-10

If you look at the end of Mark 4 you will read about Jesus command over the natural forces of the weather. Now in chapter five, in a small village on the eastern side of the sea Jesus displayed His strength and cunning of the supernatural world. When Jesus enters the town he encounters a maniac. This guy was a mess-living Goth-like in a graveyard, obsessed with death, cutting himself and displaying supernatural strength. This wreck of a man had absolutely no control of himself. But this isn’t a case of a boy behaving badly. There was something much bigger going on here and everyone in town knew it. Jesus came to do some spiritual house cleaning declare this independence day for this man who was probably in his teens. The demons had no doubt who Jesus was and they knew that they had to obey. They wanted to leave but they also wanted to remain in the region. The demonic influence identified themselves as “legion- for we are many.” Our habitual sinful habits operate similarly to demons. They come in packs. Often the alcoholic is also the heavy smoker, who is also the rage-aholic, who is also the absent father. Often the cheater develops a taste for other dishonest acts and creates a maze of lies to spoof a life of integrity to others. We see this often with fallen celebrities, defrocked ministers, and corrupt politicians. One revelation leads to a pack of other moral lapses. They build upon each other. Keep in mind that I’m not proposing that all these posers are demonized but rather that Satan’s traps are often intricately layered and we have to keep our spiritual house clean.

Where are the areas of compromise in your life that, like weeds, have the potential to choke your integrity and relationship with God?

The God of Second Chances

Read: Mark 5:15-17

15 When they came to Jesus, they saw the man who had been possessed by the legion of demons, sitting there, dressed and in his right mind; and they were afraid. 16 Those who had seen it told the people what had happened to the demon-possessed man—and told about the pigs as well. 17 Then the people began to plead with Jesus to leave their region.

I’d imagine if you asked the people in that town, “what was the greatest miracle: the storm they heard rumored that Jesus calmed or the deliverance of the town maniac?” I believe they’d say, hands down, it was the deliverance. In such a small town, everyone must have been aware of this guy’s antics, the sorrow of a humiliated family with everyone offering pop-psychology answers to their deepest heartbreak, and the nights he screamed out and woke the babies. THAT was “THE BIG ONE!” That was the miracle of all miracles. Just looking at this teenager and wondering, “What happened? How did this kid surface from insanity. We’ve never seen him sitting peacefully, much less with clothes on!” In fact, the people in the town were so amazed and fearful that one Man could command so much power that they begged him to leave. It’s another example of how people fear change, even when it is good. But only one thought must have been running through the former maniacs mind: “Ah Freedom”

There’s nothing quite as wonderful as freedom, is there? His freedom happened overnight. But sometimes freedom is a series of small steps and right choices. In truth, we are all in recovery. We all have our shameful midnights and our treasured habits that we wish we wouldn’t treasure so. Our solution is to relentlessly, daily return to the feet of Jesus and beg for His mercy.

Where do you need His mercy and second chances today?

Do you fear change?

Now It’s Your Turn
Mark 5:18-20

18 As Jesus was getting into the boat, the man who had been demon-possessed begged to go with him. 19 Jesus did not let him, but said, “Go home to your own people and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.” 20 So the man went away and began to tell in the Decapolis[b] how much Jesus had done for him. And all the people were amazed.

No one understands the power of a good story more than Jesus. As he got back on the boat the ex-demonized man begged to join Jesus but Jesus told him to stay and let people know what happened to him. Jesus knew he was more powerful in that town and telling that story. We all have stories and stories are important to the Christian faith. Personal stories are our greatest tool. And yet I’m convinced that many believers don’t know their own story because they haven’t taken the time to reflect on it. In the movie As Good as It Gets, the OCD writer, Melvin Udall, tries to convince his traveling companions, “Some people have great stories, pretty stories that take place at lakes with boats and friends and noodle salad. Just no one in this car. But, a lot of people, that’s their story. Good times, noodle salad.” But the truth is that good times and noodle salad does not a good story make.   It is only when we reflect on the beauty of our own narrative that we will see God’s hand that led us through those terrible falls and amazing rescues. Robert Frost in his famous poem- The Road Not Taken concludes, “I shall be telling this with a sigh some ages and ages hence…” What story will you be telling some ages and ages hence? Those who are so willing to claim that they were able to pull themselves up by their own bootstraps are the ones who really don’t have a story to tell. It’s the ones who realized that they had fallen and couldn’t get up but suddenly encountered a superhero. Now that’s a story! It’s our story and it’s worth telling ages and ages hence.

I’d love to be the kind of believer who oozes spirituality, but the real me is a scattered, messy, stumbling Christ-follower. My life is filled with to-do’s, deadlines, meals on the go, and Skype. Is there any reason to think I could ever be good at prayer? Of course! And if that’s something you’ve ever wondered, you can too. The reality is, most of us are way too busy to ignore the mystical, practical, whimsical, illogical gift of prayer. The only real way you will ever see continuous, intimate, radical prayer is to make prayer a breath, a time, a space, and a celebration. (I’ll explain—hopefully.) Prayer should be a dance throughout your day. It’s a constant conversation between two people—you and God. He seeks to hear from you. He wants to know your struggles, your joys, your sorrows. Newsflash: It’s not a secret; God is accessible to you at any moment and in any place. You can stop and pray like you stop to say hello to the guy you see every day in the flannel shirt chewing on a coffee stirrer in the hallway. The only difference is that the guy in the flannel shirt is not invisible, and he didn’t create the universe. You can learn to pray like you breathe. In with the epiphanies—the God-winks you see in your day—and out with cries for mercy and deep groans of desperation. Here are a few ideas on how to bring prayer to the forefront of your daily walk with God.

Simple One Breath Prayers

I pray the prayers of the ancient church. The oldest is my favorite: “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy.” Say it three times, and it’ll begin to roll out off your tongue. It’s a general prayer that says, “I’m at the mercy of the One who now reigns as my Big Brother and Almighty God. And I beg for His mercy throughout the day.” Exams, parents, fears, future plans, broken relationships. It’s a key prayer and it reminds me that this Savior of mine wants me to acknowledge that He is there every step of the way, and He enters my life with power when I invite Him. Other one breath prayers include:

• Yes, God.
• Help, Lord.
• Show me, Jesus.
• Be my Father right now.
• Speak, God.

But for some reason I’m stuck on the ancient one: “Lord Jesus, Son of God, have mercy.”

The Prayer Bench

I am extremely ADD, an un-medicated collage of daydreaming and distractions, so it helps me to have a place to fall into prayer. Something that involves my knees. For me this is a prayer bench. It tells my body that I’m not answering the text, not surfing the Web, and not talking to anyone or focusing on anything else when I kneel at the bench. It’s a God moment that sometimes lasts 117 seconds and other times lasts until my knee caps go numb. A prayer bench is just a tool—a place to go to say things to God. There’s nothing powerful about the bench itself, but it reminds me that I’m a beggar who knows where to go for the good stuff of life.

Praying the Bible

When I don’t know how to pray, I head for the Psalms. I read them aloud like a fortune cookie, only the stuff I read has real insight rather than random, surfacy gobledy-goop. It really, really works. It does. Try Psalm 28:1-2 as a starting place:

Don’t turn a deaf ear when I call you, GOD. If all I get from you is deafening silence, I’d be better off in the Black Hole. I’m letting you know what I need, calling out for help and lifting my arms toward your inner sanctum. Psalm 28:1-2, The Message

Journaling

Sometimes I have to see proof that God is at work. And one way I do that is by keeping a prayer journal. I write prayers and worship thoughts. I share my struggles as if I’m speaking to God through my pen. This fermentation process allows me to review where I’ve been and where He has led me too. You can journal to God in hard copy or on an online anonymous blog. It’s easy to create this through Tumblr, Blogger, or TypePad.

Tweet your Prayers

Some of my prayers are like e-mails. Short. Under, say … 140 characters. For those prayers, I twitter. Twittering my prayers is fun because other people see what you are praying for and they begin to pray too! I don’t have a huge Twitter following; just about 175 people. But I’ve heard from many who’ve been prompted to pray for the same stuff I’m praying for that day.

Road Trip

Once a year I make a little pilgrimage to the wilderness. I leave with a toothbrush and a Bible. I try to go where no one will find me. I turn off the cell and just have a day of silence. Do you know how completely rare that is? Just silence? I have time to wrestle through my sorrow, anger, fear, and confusion. God usually shows up after two hours or so and I get about as close to a supernatural experience as I’ll have in the year. Try it once and it will change your life. A whole day disconnected from your life? Sure, it’s strangely Victorian. But it’s interesting … every time I’ve done this, the earth continued to spin just fine without me. Who knew? But if you decide to throw caution to the wind, be sure to remember the basic laws of safety—from weather, forest dwellers, and of course the boogey man.

Two or Three

And then I have my accountability guy. Actually I have two—I’m a tough case. I meet weekly with two guys, and we are allowed to ask anything and say anything. Sometimes the honesty is scary. But it’s like a little mini-church, and we spend a good bit of our time in prayer for one another. It’s an epic part of my weekly routine. I’m not a spiritual giant, but I’ve grown closer to God because I’ve made it a habit to take time to figure out ways I can connect to Him. I hope you’ll try one or two or three or …

• Today– I’ll live a life of celebration. The brooding life is not holy. To many, it might look holy but a grave-digger and skeptic do not a Kingdom make.
• Today– I’ll simplify to remove distractions. Our inability to hear God is directly linked to the static of modern life. It’s perhaps the greatest plague of the church. We are uncomfortable with silence. The things we place before our eyes, the multitude of messages we receive on a daily basis, even the food that we eat potentially blocks our reception of God’s voice. We often expel the voice of God through texts, emails, Facebook, radio, TV, and music.
• Today– I’ll meditate on Holy Scripture. Don’t just read it.  Become preoccupied with it! Stuff your self full of holy words and you’ll see it bring a blessing of peace over your life because your eyes and ears are open to His Word.
• Today I’ll follow God’s heart and not my own. Keep in mind what God thinks of your heart:  It is deceitful. Culture says, “Follow your heart.” Please don’t. It’s a dead-end proposition. Discover the heart of God and follow His.  Stop all self-promotion campaigns. We all involved in a throne battle. Ask yourself: “Who will I place on the throne of my life? To which king will I bow down?”
• Today I’ll clarify boundaries in my personal world. The ability to hear God is directly related to our ability to say no to lots of things in your life- even a few good things. We understand that we are not capable of doing everything for everybody. Your closest friends will not understand it. Some will be disappointed in you and others will think you are a prude, but celebrate your boundaries. If you understand the purpose you have been created to achieve, saying NO (sometimes in bold and all caps) is not just recommended, it is required.
• Today I’ll seek discernment regarding my day. Every morning, ask for wisdom and courage.  You need them both in order to discern the voice of Holy God and to do whatever He tells you to do.
• Today I won’t tolerate negativity. If you find yourself surrounded by negative, whiney, sarcastic people, consider the architecture of you life and think about doing a little renovation.
• Today I’ll have faith in the process. St. John of the Cross, an early church father coined the term: the dark midnight of the soul. “The journey in Faith–the midnight of the soul when the light has all faded away and darkness has completely descended.” He concludes that many Christ followers don’t wish to endure the power of pain and tragedy that is necessary to pass through before the light shines again.  An overriding theme of the Bible is that suffering is not simply to be experienced but celebrated. It produces a deeper intimacy with God.

No matter what the day brings, if I rest in these declarations, I will be safely set.

• Some churches are more like a country club, complete with secret handshakes, special membership privileges, and perks for members based upon you seniority and attitude. But we are not called to be a Country Club.
• Some churches are more like a fashion show where once a week we are concerned more about what the members look like on the outside than who we are on the inside. But we are not called to be a fashion show.
• Some churches are like a spa where healthy people come to be pampered with a painless personality makeover and self-help rallies devoid of the power of God. They’d never think about service or sacrifice because the church is meant only for enrichment—not spiritual warfare. But we are not called to be a spa.
• Other churches are like courtrooms full of authority and judgment. Stern faces and hushed whispers are prevalent.  Some believe that these churches are holy because of the formal atmosphere and the lack of tolerance for things like laughter, celebration and dancing.  These churches are dead they just haven’t gotten the good grace to lie down. But we are not called to be a court.
• And on the opposite side, we find the church of cool, where musicians display their gifts not to the glory of God but rather to the glory of themselves.   The tendency toward outlandishness knows no bounds. They are different just for the sake of being different. Messages aren’t centered on the God or the Bible. In fact, some sermons might cause you to wonder if there is really is a point beyond the emotions and the glitz of atmosphere. What is the vibe? This is the main question in the church of the cool.  But we are not called to be cool.
• Each model apart from the work of Christ is like a cemetery. You can put flowers on the graves, you can have tea parties next to the tombs, you can pipe in the best music and serve the best meals but without Christ, the cemetery is still full of rot.  But we are not called into death.

Have you ever had that dream where all of the sudden someone from school calls and says that you missed that one class and you have to go back to school? It’s a serial nightmare for me–usually after a Sunday of preaching. Still, if you feel called to pastor the average church (if there is such a thing), be advised that you really did miss a few courses. You missed them because they aren’t found in any syllabus. They are only learned in the Seminary of Hard Knocks. Here are a few classes I’ve audited from that fine institution over the years.

#1: How to Make the Church Smell Good after the Septic Pump Quits on Saturday Night

You walk down the hall and you’re greeted by a slightly malodorous sensation. “This hall stinks,” you say to yourself on Sunday morning at 7:38am. You go to the Welcome Center. “The Welcome Center… stinks too!” And then your head begins to spin with a harsh, whiff of reality. “THIS WHOLE CHURCH STINKS!” Trust me. You can clear the disinfectant spray shelves of every Dollar Store in a ten-mile radius and you aren’t getting rid of that stench before the first-time guests arrive.

#2. Avoiding Debates Inside the Church over Calvinism, Drum Volume, and the Fellowship Hall Table-Lending Policy

Church is a sensitive subject and there will always, always be a controversy. Your job as pastor is not to ease the tension but to manage it. In fact, we see in the ministry of Christ that the gospel should sometimes provoke the tension. But it’s not fun. It’s demoralizing. It can wipe you out. But you can leverage it to your advantage. You’ll provide perspective and vision when you find the conflict is brewing. But beware. Those little foxes will tear up the vineyard in millisecond if you aren’t careful.

Side note: I hate conflict. But it’s like the watermelon patch in North Louisiana. Give it time and those green monsters will surface.

#3. Five Casseroles to Stay Away from During Covered Dish Supper

I’ll save you some tuition and just tell you what they are according to my 52 years of church homecomings, small groups and funeral wakes.

• Broccoli Velveeta Asparagus Mush
• Green Been and Carrot Gelatin Delight
• Spicy Frito Tamale Surprise
• Gooey Crock Pot Pizza
• Baked Tater Tot Pasta

I, like most pastors, often have an inherent sympathy for cooks and casseroles that haven’t been touched at a church get-together. The rule of thumb is simple: If your stomach turns, even slightly, at the eclectic medley of ingredients in a culinary creation which hasn’t been touched in a line of 500 parishioners, DO NOT pick up the serving spoon. This will not end well for you.

#4. How to Time the Filling of the Baptistery

Although Baptisteries vary from church to church, here’s a basic rule of thumb: 15 minutes before the football game of your choice, go to the church and start the faucet. Around the middle of the third quarter, just to be safe, go check the progress. In most cases it will be filled adequately. However one caveat: If there are several injury time-outs or replay reviews you might want to bring a mop and a wet vac. Obviously this formula doesn’t work for bowl games with extended half time festivities. One side note: Do not drain the Baptistery on a Saturday night. (See #1 Septic Pump Seminar )

*Important- This method doesn’t work if you are ADD. Delegate.

#5. Surviving Three Funeral Weeks

One of the tensions most pastors face is the unpredictable nature of the ministry. Most critical moments and mandatory ministries occur with less than 48 hours notice. No-brainer: Nobody dies on schedule and they don’t spread the funerals out evenly over the course of a year. There will be those three funeral weeks and you’ll be expected to be awesome at everything else that week as well. Funerals can be amazingly powerful experiences but they always end the same way. Every person’s funeral that I’ve conducted is still, to this day…resting in peace. So you aren’t Jesus, but you can offer his comfort to families in their most intense and desperate moments.

#6. Discerning the Will of God VS Your Sudden Urge to Resign on a Sunday Morning, Drop the Mic, and Scream “Free at Last!”

Every pastor has a moment where he fantasizes saying all those things he’d love to say at his weakest moment. Every time I have a passing moment where stupidity looks attractive I say to myself, I don’t want to be like that guy.  Dropping the mic is rarely a good thing to do. Unless you are like… the Son of God. The best thing to do of course is pray. Pray without ceasing, especially when you’re angry, desperate, frustrated and thinking about a job change. Remember those who suffered and are suffering through so much more than you are now. There’s always someone who has it worst than a couple of people rubbing your name in the dirt at Starbucks.  And just to be honest- if you’re a pastor, somebody is always doing that. You just got wind of it.

#7 How to distract your congregation from the screaming baby.

Let’s face it guys. You may be an amazing communicator but you no match for the colic baby on the 5th row. You could be revealing the Ark of the Covenant’s exact location and upwards of 50% of the attenders are contemplating whether it’s a wet diaper, gas, or teething. Give it up. Share that thing you’ve never told anybody and you’re fine. They won’t hear it.

#8 Verses Appropriate to Cease Church Softball Altercations

This comes with a story. Many, many years ago Christians, seeking missional
opportunities to connect with the unchurched through sports, decided that rather than risking the dangers of going into the heathen city leagues to develop relationships, they would simply create our own petri dish of dysfunctional, overly dramatic competition. Seriously though, sports offers a great way for us to build community with the unchurched but I have known a few Brother Rodmans.

#9 How to be Biblical, Relevant, Contemporary, Traditional, Conservative, Merciful, Decisive, Prudent, Articulate, and Meek all at the Same Time

I am one of those guys who walks through the scripture verse-by-verse John McArthur-style, providing spot-on contemporary illustrations, while parsing Hebrew, quoting poetry, helping split the metaphorical babies of contemporary living, counseling addicts, healing 1.3 marriages a week, involved in camping, sports, coffee shops, and 30 parachurch organizations, waxing Cloud-and-Townsend on tough love while having the grace of Brennan Manning, the relevance of Craig Groeschel, and the humor of Andy Stanley with several movie ideas that would rival Spielberg. That’s the kind of guy I am… for 5 minutes a day… in the shower… Then I brush my teeth, put on my Dockers and just try to figure out who God intended me to be. Somewhere underneath the bold, impregnable, phantasmagoric fascist architecture of my superego is an ordinary guy who loves God and is desperately trying to shut up the delusional guy in the shower.

#10  How to forget the insulting innuendo of a Loose Cannon. 

The insanity of insecurity is that a pastor could go through a Sunday, see God use him in ways that boggle his mind, and then one person could throw a lighthearted verbal sucker punch in the church office suite and every extraordinary epiphany is immediately frozen in a Mac spinning wheel of death. I’ve compared notes with a number of other pastors and they all say the same thing. We constantly have to battle our own leadership insecurities. It is a learned skill. I’m still learning.

These are only a few of the timeless lessons offered at St. Paul’s Seminary of Hard Knocks at the corner of Arminian Drive and Calvin’s Cove. Every pastor goes there and every pastor learns.

He: Well, so much for the anniversary date.

She: It was a good idea.

He: Thanks. Sorry some things got kind of—

She: Don’t mention it.

He: Really? You’re not mad?

She: Me? Nah.

He: Somehow I knew this was going to be one of those nights when I backed out of the garage without opening the garage door. I guess I was just keyed up. I just wanted everything to be right. We haven’t had a nice, romantic evening in a long time.

She: It’s too bad the garage door shattered the rear window of the car when it fell off the hinges but, on the other hand, the night air gave it the feel of a convertible. I liked it.

He: Thanks, Honey. How are your legs?

She: I think they’re getting better. I’m beginning to regain feeling in the right one.

He: I had no idea that manhole was uncovered when I opened the door to let you out. It was “Now I see you, now I don’t!”

She: I can’t believe the city worker thought that I was intentionally attacking him when I fell on his head in the manhole.

He: I think it must have been the scream. It had a kind of martial-arts sound to it. I tried to explain the situation to the officer, but he took one look at the car and just said, “Sure, Buddy.”

She: At least we got to spend our anniversary together—even if it was in jail. It was nice of your boss to bail us out. How did he know?

He: He said he saw us on the news.

She: We were on the news?

He: At 11:00 p.m. I had Mom tape it. They thought we were a part of the gang that has been threatening to bomb city hall. It was nice of my boss to pick us up. I hope he wasn’t upset about the bad publicity and all.

She: Are you kidding? He wasn’t mad. Why he even gave us a card. How sweet. Not many bosses remember their employee’s wedding anniversary. Such a nice man.

He: Oh, yeah. That was nice of him. I haven’t even opened it. (Pulls the card out and opens it.)

He: Hmm . . . I guess he was mad, after all. He fired me.

She: Look at the bright side.

He: What?

She: We have some insurance money for the part of our house that caught fire when the garage door short-circuited the wiring in the garage.

He: The neighbors said their kids really enjoyed seeing the fire trucks. I should have been here to put out the fire.

She: But Honey, you couldn’t be. We were in jail.

He: I know. I know. . .

She: But look at it this way: things could be worse.

He: They could?

She: We could be bitter toward each other.

He: Yep. We could be heading for divorce court, like the boss and his wife.

She: You could be in love with another woman. We could be so wealthy that we think more about money than we do about each other.

He: We could be lonely . . .

She: We could be lost right now, with no faith in Christ.

He: I guess you’re right . . . You’re always right. (They kiss.)

She: That’s because I’m with you. God knew what He was doing when He put us together.

He: (down about himself) Yeah . . . sure.

She: I’m serious. Look, we can still enjoy our night.

He: But we don’t have any money. I lost my job, our car, half of our house—there’s really nothing to enjoy.

She: Sure there is. We have each other. Hey, I have something for you. (She pulls a CD or a cassette from her purse.)

He: “The Best of Glen Miller and the Big Band Sound!” I’ve been looking all over town for this one.

She: I know. (She sticks it in the boom box. They sit close and hold hands, listening to “String of Pearls.”)

She: I’ve been saving this for a special occasion.

He: I think this would definitely rate as a special night.

She: I love you.

He: I love you. Happy anniversary.

She: Happy anniversary. Let’s go to bed and enjoy the stars through our new skylight.

He: Skylight?

She: The fire burned a hole through the ceiling in our bedroom. I’ve always wanted one of those.

He: You have? Well, tomorrow, Sweetheart, I’m going to get a window kit at the hardware store and install a skylight permanently.

She: But we’ve got to plead not guilty at our arraignment for the terrorism charge.

He: Oh yeah, I forgot. (beat) Did I hear thunder?

Theological elitists, keep moving along. There’s nothing that will interest you here.

Jacked-up sinners, like me, pay careful attention.

We all need a few easy-to-remember axioms that get us through the day. As a man of habit who has struggled with self- condemnation through the years, I’ve white-knuckled these truths in the middle of my own messiness. You may have heard them before but they are worth reviewing:

The depth of God’s love for me has nothing to do with my performance.

It has never been about earning His love. There’s nothing I could do that will make God love me more than He already does. (nothing) God is love, love, love all the time, regardless of my behavior.

Jesus came for messy people (like me).

He walked into my personal hurt locker. The last few days of Jesus earthly ministry are a statement: “I can be hurt just like you.” He didn’t run away from the pain. He walked into it with purpose. He didn’t create the struggle bus. He doesn’t drive the struggle bus. He’s on the struggle bus and He’s sitting right there with you. If you grieve because you don’t have it all together, remember this: Everybody– even (insert name of the holiest person you know) struggles.

The Gospel means Good News.

Jesus came to save, not to condemn. If you are feeling the weight of overwhelming condemnation, know that this is not from Jesus. Jesus was never into condemnation, except when it came to name-calling, angry, judgmental professional religionists.

I can never out-grace God.

He doesn’t create torture. That is not in His nature. The stubborn nature of humanity is to figure out how to justify one’s self in two ways: revealing our righteousness or someone else’s unrighteousness. This is not what Christianity is all about.

We pay good money and attention to radio hosts, bloggers, TV pundits, and investigative reporters to root out the scandals around us. Something inside us draws us in to listen and to analyze it with friends. Perhaps we do this so that we can hear that whispering voice within us saying, “I’m better that that guy. Right God?” While the truth is this: Uh… no. Jesus loves the ones caught in the act of adultery, idolatry, and addiction. It is the beautiful scandalous truth of Jesus’ nature.

Love is the theme.

Ultimately, it all deconstructs into one simple gigantic word: love. It’s not about how much money I give, how many good deeds I perform, how many verses I know, how many awards I garner. Love is the ultimate tester. It is about love and it always will be about love.

Important:

If the church you go to doesn’t sound like this, you might want to reconsider what keeps you there. Because the message of Christianity is so often hijacked by legalism,
perfectionism,
authoritarianism,
politics,
elitism,
showmanship,
personality worship,
serial guilt-mongering,
racism,
behavior-modification idolatry,
brow-beating,
shame-casting,
theological hairsplitting,
apoplectic apologetics,
righteous sarcasm,
appearance management,
and a thousand other slings and arrows disguising themselves as orthodoxy.

Orthodox Christianity says, “Come, weary one. Find rest.” If you’ve been wounded by the church and find yourself disconnected, I want to challenge you to find a community of grace. Reengage with the truth of Jesus. You need it like I need it. Because when it comes right down to it, without that kind of love, grace and connection the world is a dark and lonely place.