My life is on the wheel…Earthbound clay

Spinning. Wondering. Why are His hands changing me?

With purpose

What is He creating in me?

What does He see?

Is there a purpose in the pain?

Stretching, sensing, swirling, struggling

I’m smaller than I used to be, it seems

The Mosaic of broken dreams

I’m dizzy with change

The wheel slows as his eyes scan my shell

And he sees it.

I was hoping that he’d over look it.

Halfway hoping he would cast me aside and move on to a more fitting lump of clay.

He pauses-

Divine rejection is what I feel. Rejection that He sees who I really am-

A catastrophic mess

Deeply wounded- Brokeness

He picks me up again and throws me back on the wheel.

This is not the way it’s supposed to be.

Still working- it hurts because I’m still me

Can I ever be what He wants me to be?

He’s creating in my  catastrophe.

I’m spinning again- Oh God what do you see?

The heat of the oven- birthplace of sanctity.

Above and beyond all treachery

That separated my soul from Thee

Burning, glazing, waiting, straining

I stand before the Master of the clay

I didn’t know it then but I know it now.

He recognizes me.

And- He SMILES. He smiles at me.

My creator

Who walked me through the fire of earth

And now I see him

The all-things-new Messiah

King of Castaways

The Potter

Victor

Creator

Jesus

In awestruck wonder we will stand

His masterpiece of grace.    `

Recently, we’ve seen God’s word questioned, defiled, glorified, and deified. It’s all caused me to really think through what the Word of God means to me. God’s word is peace to me, but God’s word also disturbs the peace in my life. That’s right, it disturbs the peace. It causes me to see the storms. It’s constantly stirring me as batter in bowl- It thickens me.

It tells the whole story.  There are lots of things that I would have censored out, but God chose to tell the truth.  To record anger so great that it wishes for the death of infants. It shows heroes with flaws. You won’t find a Clark Kent type in this book other than Christ- who was the Word. Men and women fail and then succeed. Or they succeed and then fail. It’s always a combination of both except for Enoch and he got a hall pass before the bell rang.

The Christians I’m around today are on a quest of defending the Word of God against heretics. Nothing new to the church… But as Spurgeon once said, “The Word of God is like a lion. You don’t have to defend it; you just have to let it out of the cage.” (How I wished I would have thought of that metaphor! Please forgive the writer envy, Sweet Jesus.) 

Theologians wield the Word of God as a theological litmus test to keep out people they don’t like. We find our favorite parts, parts that fit our general worldview and we make people sign off on it. Others choose to make the Bible a graven image, worshiping it more than God himself. Putting God, the 20lb version on the communion table- never read but ain’t it big.

As I read the Acts of the Apostles- the major formula of the Holy Spirit is this: The Holy Spirit doesn’t have any formulas. Meanwhile the Acts of the American Church is that we are glitzed out, overfed and underachieving. We are focused on the power of the company (church inc.) rather than the Company of His Power.

To tell you the truth the thing I love about God’s word is this: It’s a director’s cut of the Good News. No deleted scenes. No formulaic ending, no apologies, and no edits. It’s the light unto my path. It’s a scary book when you get right down to it because it calls for radical love- it propels us to snatch people out of the leper colony and the Bethesda’s pool of self-help and holistic healing. It leaves the servant work to me. It warns me to avoid debt and riches- both have the potential to damn me. And it dares me to believe in something from nothing, life from death, and beginning from ending.

You can’t deconstruct the Bible, yea and verily, it is deconstructing you.

The Bible is Anti-Religion. It doesn’t show God as a “tip toe through the tulips” Creator. He’s a roaring Lion and He dares you to battle- note that His battle is always His. He is not looking for our help. He is inviting us to adventure- so great and unpredictable that even as we gasp our final breath, we look forward to the next page-turning chapter of the swashbuckling thriller. It is not stayed; it is not a book of administration and order. It’s a living, progressive organism of divine transformation. And again, I say–It’s against religion. (And most will never get their brain around that truth. I pray I will.) The Bible is about dead men walking. It’s about surrendering- holding our hands to Heaven and watching our God, like an angry parent witnessing a bully torment his little girl- knock the snot out him and dare him to pull that stunt again. Therefore, one must examine himself to be sure he is not a bully.

Some Christians use the Bible as lawyers use precedent the argue their case citing certain past cases in God’s Word as their loophole and syllogism. Usually, their case has more to do with their personal power than it has to do with the Great Commission or the Greatest Commandment. Some of these people would rather see a neighborhood go to hell than have the wrong type of person (sex, race, political faction) preach in the neighborhood. And because of this they become the practicing liberals in the Body. I’m convinced that the Bible needs more lovers than apologists, more incarnations than discernment rangers.

I must spend more time reading the Word of God than the time I spend listening to people talk about the Word of God. I must spend more time letting the Word teach me through the Holy Spirit. It’s trusting God’s promise that the Word will accomplish what it set out to do. And yes, indeed, certainly, and verily I must DO the Word of God every day.

I look forward to spending more time in God’s Word- when I do, it’s never wasted time.

some plan

their own phantasmagorical funeral

preacher boys with stories that’d make everyone cry.

even mother-in-laws and accountants

I have different plans on that day.

when i die

I’ll watch my father sling jawbones

with samson

both made it in the door by the grace of God

same as noah

he found grace

he discovered it

or it discovered him

before he clanked the first nail into gopher wood

or shoveled the first cart of kangaroo caca

the story began in grace and splinter

the mercy of limping jacob and stumbling bartimaeus

they sidebar and tell stories

smiling and wondering about weak eyes

discussing it with the miracle boy of Jesus’ mud pies

look(!) there’s paul–the lasik surgery is divine

big letters not necessary.

he can read the fine print

he’s catching up with a big stack by his side

& checking out the far flung analysis of his work

from n/t/wright to barnes to hal lindsay

(the later, just for fun)

The speech therapy is complete for stuttering moses.

he can wax eloquent for millennia

AND Jesus is smiling

His children–the whole great cloud is back home

The aroma of the spread catered by angels

and feasting on the vision He’s been waiting to see.

and in gobsmacked wonder, there’s a whisper

under the breath of all the saints-

“it’s all true”

me?

i’m the guy way over in the back of the family portrait

on the 12,857,009th row

next to a man named bart wrankle (of whom i have not met)

I want you to know how proud I am to be your father. You have brought so much joy into my life with your humor, passion, your hunger for knowledge, and your love of life. I hope that you will remember this night as a time when I gave you my blessing. Always know that your father loves you and prays for you as I will until I die.

This is your life.

May you find that the only true friends are the ones that will tell you the truth even when it hurts.
May you run toward God because in the end- He’s what this life is all about.
May you seek wisdom above everything else.
I pray that you will have fun. Fun is good. But I pray that you will run away from foolishness. Remember that you can ruin your life in 60 seconds of wrong decisions.
I pray that you will treat women with dignity.
I pray that you will be true to yourself and be uncompromising.
I pray that you will not be caught in the snares that are everywhere around us.
I pray that you will learn the power of relationships.

This night is special too. This night I am giving my first father’s blessing. Tonight I speak blessings upon you and I release you. As much as I would like to keep you under my wings, the truth is you are now the caretaker of your destiny.

I release you into the world. As much as I am able I will continue to invest in your future but from this night on I will become more and more a prayer warrior and a spectator as your choices.

Tonight I want to challenge you to step fully into manhood.  It’s not something that happens instantaneously but manhood is about choices. I’ve learned the hard way in my life. Manhood is not an age but a choice.

A boy is selfish.
A man is sacrificial.
A boy speaks easy lies
A man speaks hard truths.
A boy has a foul mouth relying on a few vulgar words to communicate a myriad of messages.
A man uses a robust vocabulary to solve a myriad of conflicts.
A boy refuses to listen with an open mind.
A man listens much and talks little.
A boy is controlled by anger.
A man channels his anger to create Godly change.
The pleasure of a boy is unbridled and thoughtless.
A man is lives for a cause which ultimately brings him more pleasure than anything a boy could even imagine.

Jesus said: “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

I can tell you this one thing that I know for sure:  Life is difficult. And once you accept that life is difficult you will find that it’s not too difficult to handle.

You’re likely to meet your future wife in the coming 4 years.  Choose wisely. Whoever finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor of the LORD.

Marriage is learning how to serve.  It’s God’s invention so that men like us could learn how to be like Jesus.

There is no woman on the face of the earth who will be able to make life worth it. It’s got to come from inside you.

Your success will be measured by your ability to do the hard work first and then the fun stuff. Every successful man learns that skill.

Christians will let you down.  It’s a fact of life.  Christ won’t.

You are going to face temptation greater than any you have ever faced. But I believe you have the character to handle it.

Sitting in front of the class will do more to help you succeed than any other college tip I can think of.

I have known five friends that have died from alcohol related deaths- binge drinking, alcoholism, killed by a drunk driver.  Please don’t be the 6th.

Your metabolism will slow down tremendously over the next 2 years. It’s just how a man’s body works.  Exercise and eat right.

You are loved, accepted and celebrated.  Tonight, I regard you as a man. Now it is your turn to change the world.

May your head be full of dreams.

May your heart be tethered to truth.

May your path be narrow and challenging.

May you fight for nobility.

May you never take alliance with fools.

May you run toward God.

May you find romance in life.

And may you seek the approval of God more than the approval of men.

Recently, I did the annual New Year’s cleaning. I love getting rid of stuff. Like most, it happens on a warm Saturday afternoon after the garage sale. We sold 174 items and ended up with around 35 dollars. I was amazed that so many of people don’t want what we don’t want. By the end of the day, I was paying people to take what’s left over. “I’ll pay you 50 dollars to take the sofa that’s parked in the garage.  Please? I know it’s mauve. But mauve is back! I’ll even throw in the inflatable Santa Claus!”

After a Saturday of lifting a refrigerator, an entertainment center, my son’s barbells and various other items, I woke up the next morning and grabbed a shirt out of the closet and the next thing I knew a shock of electricity shot through my back. I aged 30 years in half a second, as I tried to get up. I looked at myself in the mirror. It was a pathetic sight. I was stooped down and to the right at a 60-degree angle. I had the posture of the Elephant Man. What happened? The day before, I was robust, vigorous and almost impressed with the deftness of my herculean prowess and the next, I’m bent over like an extra on the set of the Golden Girls after attempting the feat of lifting a shirt from the closet. I went to church like that because I didn’t have time to draft a small group leader replacement.  Our group was very understanding and prayed for my restoration, but evidently these demons require much prayer and fasting. 

Monday, I found a chiropractor who could squeeze me into the schedule. I am not a frequenter of chiropractors, but I’ve been before. I’ve learned through the years that there are different schools of thought when it comes to chiropractors. (Or as my grandmother called them: “the choir-practors.”) Some of them have a little tool that pokes you in the spine after they hook you up to a something akin to an octopus with electrical suction cups. I’ve been to others that wanted to sign me up for a lifetime supply of supplements containing things like lamb’s hair extract, acacia seeds and aromatic wild caught salmon oil. For me, I don’t think you’ve actually been to a chiropractor until he puts you on a plank of wood and you hear bones popping as he plunges his knee in your thoracic vertebrae.  That’s when I know I got my money’s worth.  

It’s been a few days and I’m walking normally now. I’ve learned a lot since then. I’ve learned that it’s the little things that often trigger the hidden pain of over-exertion. I think that’s true in marriage. It’s often not the actual disagreements we have that bend Darlene and me out of shape. It’s sometimes the guy tailgating me on the way home that incites my contrarian mindset. And sometimes the best thing I can do to keep my marriage and my back healthy is a little daily stretching.  It’s not a macho as weightlifting but it’s just as important. 

In wanderlust of eternity,
I travel streets of grace 

I know the power of illusion.

But I find truth upon Your Face

(illusions crumble)

the b/ro/ke/nness have weakened bones and feeble flesh. 

I trust in the Musician’s strings,
The One who makes the nation’s sing.
You are good
it’s understood
as days lead on……………. to Day.

So
I
trust
in
You.

 I long for bliss.

 I send resounding praise.
You have always (in every single moment of my life) placed Your Hand upon me and I could not escape it. 

I could not escape the love and the joy that had brought me even in the midst of dark hours in crooked roads.
You hem me in with mercy.
You have laid my sorrows upon the banks of Your glory.

Your glory, outshines them all.
Your holiness compels me in the arena of your steady sure activity
even in times of c h a o s you speak (a sensible soft Voice) like a faithful father, Your Hand
on
my
shoulder.

 I will be guided and I will be kept.

in flesh and blood,
gold and glory,
eyes of fire,
You tell the story.

Two life altering truths:

1. God is speaking.
2. You have one day fewer to listen than you had yesterday.

 I rarely ever had those kinds of thoughts in my twenties and thirties, but now truths recur often. Have I listened to God? Have I really lived my life to the fullest? Have I heard God’s voice?

The old adage is true: Our life is God’s gift to us. What we do with it is our gift to God. 

Jesus came to bring us rest if we will only stop long enough to listen and to let Him speak. This is the kind of life Jesus lived out in front of us. He connected with the Father intimately and dynamically.  We, on the other hand, are often too busy doing things for God that we miss entirely the presence of God. 

God really does have something to say to each one of us. I know it like the back of my Bible. I preach it, teach it, encourage others to listen, but if I’m not careful I’ll get so focused my schedule that I don’t slow down enough to hear the Whispers. When I shut down all the white noise and ambiance, God speaks. It’s not always an audible voice, but a Voice just the same. 

Every now and then I’ll experience a feeling of being very small. You’ve probably don’t know what I’m talking about. All around me there are bigger ministries, larger budgets, more talented communicators, and more successful pastors.  (I know you probably never feel that way but may I confess that I do from time to time.) It’s at that moment that I have to refocus on a simple four-word sentence. “Jesus is with me.” I know. It’s a Children’s Sunday School sentence but it’s still such a gigantic sentence. “Jesus is with me.”

Jesus is with me and He has something He wants to say to me—not just through me. It’s not enough for us to believe that He exists and has something to say to me personally. . It would be a shame for us to finally arrive in Heaven and not recognize the voice of God. In order to hear Him, I must remember to adjust my spiritual sensors. It took me a while to grow out of the belief that He’s not a manipulator of people and I don’t have to be one either. We can’t control our people. That’s the way God made them: UNCONTROLABLE. Sometimes in the past I’ve wanted to but I’ve gotten over it. These sheep can’t be controlled, but they can be led. The basics of listening must overcome the relentless pressures that we as worship leaders and pastors face. Let me encourage you to try the following things that will lead to a heightened sensitivity to hear God’s voice

• Today– I’ll live a life of urgency and celebration. The brooding life is not holy. To many it might look holy but a grave-digger and party pooper do not a Kingdom make!
• Today– I’ll simplify to remove distractions. Our inability to hear God is directly linked to the static of modern life. It’s perhaps the greatest plague of the church. We are uncomfortable with silence. The things we place before our eyes, the multitude of messages we receive on a daily basis, even the food that we eat potentially blocks our reception of God’s voice. We often expel the voice of God through texts, emails, Facebook walls, radio, TV, and music.
• Today– I’ll meditate on Holy Scripture. Don’t just read it.  Become preoccupied with it! Stuff your self full of holy words and you’ll see it bring a blessing of peace over your life because your eyes and ears are open to His Word. 
• Stop all self-promotion campaigns. We all involved in a throne battle. Who will you place on the throne of your life.  To which king will you bow down?
• Today I’ll follow God’s heart and not my own. Keep in mind what God thinks of your heart:  It is deceitful. Songs, movies and pop culture have urged us to follow our heart. Please don’t. It’s a dead end proposition. Discover the heart of God and follow His.
• Today I’ll clarify boundaries in my personal world. The ability to hear God is directly related to our ability to say no to lots of things in your life- even a few good things. We understand that we are not capable of doing everything for everybody. Your closest friends will not understand it. Some will be disappointed in you and others will think you are a prude, but celebrate your boundaries. If you understand the purpose you have been created to achieve, saying NO (sometimes in bold and all caps) is not just recommended, it is required. 
• Today I’ll seek discernment regarding your day. Every morning, ask for wisdom and courage.  You need them both in order to discern the voice of Holy God and to do whatever He tells you to do. 
• Today I won’t tolerate negativity. If you find yourself surrounded by negative, whiney, sarcastic people, consider the architecture of you life and think about doing a little renovation. 
• Today I’ll have faith in the process. St. John of the Cross, an early church father coined the term: the dark midnight of the soul. “The journey in Faith–the midnight of the soul when the light has all faded away and darkness has completely descended.” He concludes that many Christ followers don’t wish to endure the power of pain and tragedy that is necessary to pass through before the light shines again.  I would argue that an overriding theme of the Bible is that suffering is not simply to be experienced but celebrated. It produces a deeper intimacy with God.

I hope that today is enough to lead you into a conversation with the Divine. He speaks softly and He speaks in present tense. 

You’re in a pit and wondering if this is the place you’ll die. You must wait.

They accuse and convict you. The slam the door. Nothing seems to be happening. You lost your last appeal and the lawyer wants his money. You must wait.

You are scrubbing the floors in a corrupt palace where money changes hands under the table. It’s all a sham. They paint their walls with the blood of the innocent. Nothing has changed. You must wait.

You make a mad dash out of the city where you were once a prince and now you’re stepping in sheep dung on the backside of the desert. You must wait.

You are in the belly of the beast, the den of the lions and the fire of the furnace. You must wait.

He took his share. He wished you nothing but death. But you love him still with an eye on the horizon. But first you must wait.

40 days in the desert.

40 years in the wilderness.

Perilous hours in the storm.

3 days in the tomb

9 months in the womb

You must wait.

But you move in the waiting. Your lungs have breath. Your pulse continues. The music is there. Hope is the stuff that keeps you alive.

Never-ending nights and arduous days.

Most have given up. They’ve packed it in. They tapped out on the mat of the threshing floor.

But you, ample servant of the Most High, you must wait.

Then she cried, “Samson, the Philistines are here!” When he awoke from his sleep, he said, “I will escape as I did before and shake myself free.” But he did not know that the Lord had left him. Judges 16:20

He tweeted (or should I say “Xed”) a hot take and he didn’t know the Lord had left him.
He took pleasure in the failures of someone and he didn’t know the Lord had left him.
He longed for the admiration of others and he didn’t know the Lord had left him.
He spent so long criticizing a colleague that he didn’t know the Lord had left him.
He resented his wife because of a comment or a failure and he didn’t know the Lord had left him.

A Parable:

Last week I was praying about a very important conversation I needed to have with one of my many supervisors. (I seem to collect quite a few.) For several weeks I had been struggling with an issue. I also worried about the conversation.

• How would he react?
• Will he pushback on my observations and concerns?
• Will I speak the truth?
• Will he think poorly of me?
• Is it really worth his time?

  (I can do this for extended periods of time. My OCD in third gear, I suppose.)

I have a reputation of being non-confrontational so this was a very important and nerve-racking phone call. I finally got the courage to make the call on a long road trip. Although I was skeptical about whether this was the right time or if it would it be better for me to have a face-to-face meeting with him. We began the conversation, and everything was cordial and upbeat and then I broached the uncomfortable subject. My monologue went on for about five minutes and then I asked a question.  Silence filled the space where I expected to get feedback or even a rebuttal. I nervously rambled a little more and then a little more. I asked another question. Still silence. It was at that moment I realized that the call had dropped in the middle of my conversation. In fact, my manager tried to call me back, but I didn’t look at who the caller was. I just kept rambling and ignorantly assumed that my manager was listening intently.

This slightly embarrassing slice of my life reminded me of a much larger meta-story. I thought about the fact that many times as I go through my day I can get so wrapped up in my own diatribes, anecdotes, and amusements that I fail to realize that the Holy Spirit left the building. This was Samson’s predicament. He was a man of great strength but in that moment, he forgot where his strength came from and experienced the sudden realization that he had no strength because the Lord had left him. The worst thing that could happen to any of us would be for God to leave us to our own futile strategies and schemes. A dropped call might be embarrassing for a moment but realizing that the Lord slipped out of the room at your time of greatest need reeks of tragedy and despair. The Lord’s presence strengthens us to do things that we could never do, while the Lord’s absence only leads to our demise.

This happens with churches, too. We get so caught up in our own problems, glory, issues, budgets, concerns, activities and structures that when we finally stop for a short second we come to realize that the Holy Spirit has left the building. When things get flesh-saturated, He might just slip out the door and find another place where the focus is on God and not on our man-made idols and edicts.

We must stop. As the ancient poet Rumi said:

“Sit, be still, and listen,
because you’re drunk
and this is
the edge of the roof.”

Step away.
Be still.
Listen.
Stop talking.
Make space.
Question everything.
Let go.
Let God.

We remember “Jonah and the Whale,” but I’m intrigued by another much lesser character- An itty-bitty worm.

“So Jonah was very grateful for the plant.  But as morning dawned the next day God prepared a worm, and it so damaged the plant that it withered.” Jonah 4:7

Notice that it’s not 1000 worms. That would seem to be what God would do. Just make it like Pharaoh and the locusts. Just send tons of worms to kill the tree! But no, God prepared a one single worm. And just like God prepared a great fish. God prepared a worm and God has a plan for you.

It was the itty-bitty worm versus the big shade plant.

Beloved disciple, what is the plant that stands before you today?

A rebel child?

A dying church?

A transitional community?

A helpless victim?

An atheist neighbor.

A discouraged leader?

A fear?

A need?

A pain?

God prepared a worm. And God will prepare us as we go.

Ity-bity Us

Huge World.

This is GOD’s Message, the God who made earth, made it livable and lasting, known everywhere as GOD. “Call to me and I will answer you. I’ll tell you marvelous and wondrous things that you could never figure out on your own.’

Therefore, iity-bitty as we are. Go! Out there!