It was just another day around the pool of Bethesda. The usual crowd of weary hopefuls, lingering by the pool with worn faces, stared daily in anticipation of divine intervention. The word on the street was that if you were the first person to get in the pool when the angels stirred the waters, you’d be healed. It doesn’t seem fair, does it? The strong one wins every time. Among this collection of sufferers was a man who had been on a 38-year losing streak. He prayed, sought, hoped, and dreamed of health, but for 38 years, there was no miracle. Have you prayed for a breakthrough that long? I have. It’s not fun. It can be a test of faith to spend years on the same prayer request. But when we do, we are in the company of Abraham, Simeon, Anna, Sarah, and Noah, to name a few. We ask our friends to pray with us for the first few months, but then we’re ashamed to even bring it up after a year or two, and we’re left alone to stew in our own misery.

I have to confess, I’ve got shelves of journals filled with unanswered prayers—page after page, full of whispered longings and steadfast hopes. These prayers are so familiar that I blush when I think of how many times God has heard them. These are liturgies with a limp as I walk with God—waiting, hoping, praying, and trusting one more time. I remind myself that prayer is a warfare of our own attention and persistence. We ask and keep on asking. We understand that it is a dance, not a destination. We follow His lead even in the moments when our steps seem clumsy and the rhythm seems wrong. There aren’t scorecards. This isn’t a competition. It’s an invitation to a relationship. In Graham Greene’s play, The Potting Shed, Father Callifer says, “Faith is not something that one loses; we merely cease to shape our lives by it.” For me, faith is a lifelong journey. I have moments of doubt. I, too, am prone to wander, but the faithfulness of Jesus exceeds my doubts. I can’t lose it, but I am always in danger of ceasing to live my life by it. And I, too, often wait for angels when I am in the presence of the Son of God. I’m with C.S. Lewis, who famously confessed, “I pray because I can’t help myself. I pray because I’m helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time, waking and sleeping. It doesn’t change God. It changes me.” We all come into the throne room broken. That’s precisely why we come!

Then, in the middle of Bethesda, Jesus shows up. Suddenly, all those years of waiting vanish. He asks the paralyzed man a strange question, “Do you want to be well?” His question cuts through years of excuses and resignation. It’s surprising, until I remember that there are lots of folks who don’t want to be well. They’re stuck in misery, but at least it’s familiar. For this struggler, it’s a no-brainer. “Yes! But I don’t have any help.” Evidently, his friends had given up as well. I’m reminded that I, too, waste time trying to explain to Jesus why I’m a lost cause. That’s a waste of breath when you’re addressing the One who gave Saturn its rings and carved mountains with His fingers. Jesus doesn’t get philosophical with the old man on the mat. He just says, “Rise, take up your bed and walk.” And the transformation was as swift and certain as sunrise. Instantly, he was whole. It really doesn’t matter whether you wait 38 years or 38 seconds from the moment you prayed; when Jesus steps on the scene, He makes it worth the wait.

Every. Single. Time.

Always pray, and never give up…” — Luke 18:1b

Never forget, the answer to every prayer is love. It’s always love, and when we pray for that, when we live for that, when we abide in that royal pursuit, we are never left unanswered. Love is always enough, and it is the greatest prayer. Make me a lover. Teach me how to love. Let me love in the language of Jesus. When we pray this prayer, the answer is certain, because love is the language of heaven.

“To love or have loved, that is enough. Ask nothing further. There is no other pearl to be found in the dark folds of life. To love is a consummation.”
—Victor Hugo

There is a pernicious seed that is programed into the heart of almost every man. We see it in movies, books and even short 30 second commercial storylines. It’s revenge. There’s no telling how much money we’ve all shelled out at the box office to see the hero stick it to the man. We all love to see the evil genius outsmarted by the victimized underdog. The music swells, the truth is revealed, and the good guy rides off into the sunset making the world right for all the good guys and damsels previously in distress. And the villain lies vanquished in the mire of his own failed, wicked plans. Revenge triumphs! Most myths and legends proclaim the thesis that revenge is sweet.

The only problem with this fantasy is that revenge doesn’t work. Maybe in Hollywood, but there’s no “particular set of skills developed over a long career” that makes revenge satisfying in the long run. Our culture seems to run on revenge fuel. There’s a wide variety of revenge tactics such as angry tweets, public “gotcha” questions, and straightforward verbal (or even physical) combat. Paul reminds us that the only one worthy of vengeance is God. Any path toward revenge is futile and terribly unsatisfying. Revenge fuel will gunk up the soul and lead down a perilous rabbit hole of dissatisfaction. The next time you find yourself marinating in a pool of vengeful scheme, turn your eyes upon the one righteous person who had every right to seek revenge as he suffered on the cross, offering forgiveness to his torturers while never compromising His values and identity. Embrace that vision and we will all understand the nature of godly manhood. 

Todd Proctor, John Harrison and Kathleen Doyle

How do we order our lives? It has to be an inner journey.
It’s all about adoption. 
We are not earning a relationship. This is how evangelicals often mis the point.

This relationship with the Spirit is not something done to us, but with us.

When you grow, you will find me bigger.

Aslan, Aslan. Dear Aslan,” sobbed Lucy. “At last.”  
    The great beast rolled over on his side so that Lucy fell, half sitting and half lying between his front paws. He bent forward and just touched her nose with his tongue. His warm breath came all round her. She gazed up into the large wise face.  
    “‘Welcome, child,” he said.  
    “AsIan,” said Lucy, “you’re bigger.”  
    “That is because you are older, little one,” answered he.  
    “Not because you are?”  
    “I am not. But every year you grow, you will find me bigger.” 

C.S. Lewis, Prince Caspian: The Return to Narnia The Chronicles of Narnia (1951, this edition Harper Collins, 1994) 141. 

• “In order to receive more of the Holy Spirit we need to have empty space to fill. This space we must create; it will not simply appear. “
• We have to give ground over a period of time.  How do we become who we really are?
• It’s contemplative practices.
• Life in the Spirit informs our spiritual practices. The Bible supports Nuerplasticity. When we talk about contemplative life we are talking about something most of evangelicalism has abandoned. Part of this journey is the con template life.

Knowledge of self and God

• When we only attempt to know God without knowing self, there is a lack of intimacy.
• Who I am speaks into how I see God. Our view of God is a composite of our mother or father (bad news) We often look for passages that we already believe.
• By not knowing myself I go back to scripture that reinforce rather than inform my knowledge of God. How many people have deconstructed their faith because their background had an imbalance;anced view of God.
• We have to get to the place of radical honesty.
• “I know you know the right answer but what is the real answer.”
• God is saying, “Take me by the hand and let me show you who I am.”

Contemplation and Action

• If I hate solitude and silence, when we do we begin to ask why.
• It was performance and pressure. When I entered into silence I began to ask why.
• Taking time out of business and getting to see what’s honestly going on in my soul.
• Whatever it is will come out.
• When we are not contemplative, we start to compare ourselves with other. It becomes the fuel, rather than God, himself.
• If I am deeply connected with God we are no longer stuck in numbers and performance.
• We become what we behold.

Resources:
The Gift of Being Yourself by David Benner
Invitation to a Journey by Ruth Haley Barton
Sacred Pathways by Gary Thomas
Practicing the Power by Sam Storms
Other Authors: James Bryan Smith, Richard Foster, Dallas Willard

Other Thoughts:

One other resource: PracticingTheWay.org

• You think that slowing down will cost you, but in truth it will make you more productive. It will open you up to the capacity of God. It increases our ministry effectiveness.
• You don’t have time, not to do this.
• Sometimes the unpleasant stuff that bubbles up is the stuff that ultimately brings a breakthrough.

• Today– I’ll live a life of celebration. The brooding life is not holy. To many, it might look holy but a grave-digger and skeptic do not a Kingdom make.
• Today– I’ll simplify to remove distractions. Our inability to hear God is directly linked to the static of modern life. It’s perhaps the greatest plague of the church. We are uncomfortable with silence. The things we place before our eyes, the multitude of messages we receive on a daily basis, even the food that we eat potentially blocks our reception of God’s voice. We often expel the voice of God through texts, emails, Facebook, radio, TV, and music.
• Today– I’ll meditate on Holy Scripture. Don’t just read it.  Become preoccupied with it! Stuff your self full of holy words and you’ll see it bring a blessing of peace over your life because your eyes and ears are open to His Word.
• Today I’ll follow God’s heart and not my own. Keep in mind what God thinks of your heart:  It is deceitful. Culture says, “Follow your heart.” Please don’t. It’s a dead-end proposition. Discover the heart of God and follow His.  Stop all self-promotion campaigns. We all involved in a throne battle. Ask yourself: “Who will I place on the throne of my life? To which king will I bow down?”
• Today I’ll clarify boundaries in my personal world. The ability to hear God is directly related to our ability to say no to lots of things in your life- even a few good things. We understand that we are not capable of doing everything for everybody. Your closest friends will not understand it. Some will be disappointed in you and others will think you are a prude, but celebrate your boundaries. If you understand the purpose you have been created to achieve, saying NO (sometimes in bold and all caps) is not just recommended, it is required.
• Today I’ll seek discernment regarding my day. Every morning, ask for wisdom and courage.  You need them both in order to discern the voice of Holy God and to do whatever He tells you to do.
• Today I won’t tolerate negativity. If you find yourself surrounded by negative, whiney, sarcastic people, consider the architecture of you life and think about doing a little renovation.
• Today I’ll have faith in the process. St. John of the Cross, an early church father coined the term: the dark midnight of the soul. “The journey in Faith–the midnight of the soul when the light has all faded away and darkness has completely descended.” He concludes that many Christ followers don’t wish to endure the power of pain and tragedy that is necessary to pass through before the light shines again.  An overriding theme of the Bible is that suffering is not simply to be experienced but celebrated. It produces a deeper intimacy with God.

No matter what the day brings, if I rest in these declarations, I will be safely set.