Actor #1: “The Lord is my shepherd,” David writes.

Actor #2: But what kind of shepherd is God? Through the years we have asked this question.

Actor #1: The deceiver has painted many portraits of God as shepherd. Perhaps you have one hidden away in the gallery of your psyche. Here are a few:

Actor #2: Imposter #1—

Actor #1: The dictator is my shepherd I shall not want. He leadeth me with his booming voice—

Actor #2: “You foolish creation! How dare you wander away from the flock. You are in trouble, big time! You hear me? Big time! Have I not told you time and time again to be good or else! And wipe that smile off your face. Grow up! Take your vitamins. Stand up straight. You’ll never measure up. What? Now you’re crying! Oh great . . . that’s just great. Stop crying before I give you something to cry about. I can’t believe how insolent you are. You are driving me crazy!”

Actor #1: After this long litany of complaints He grabs you by your wool sweater collar and his eyes bug out.

Actor #2: “You ought to be grateful that I didn’t kick you into the next century. I’m going to count to ten and if you don’t get back into the fold you are history!! 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9- BOOM!”

Actor #1: Lost Relationships

Actor #2: Boom!

Actor #1: Failure

Actor #2: Boom!

Actor #1: Financial problems

Actor #2: Boom!

Actor #1: Depression

Both: Boom!

Actor #2: Imposter #2- The preoccupied one is my shepherd I shall notwant. He leadeth me as soon as He gets off hold.

Actor #1: “Greetings woolen ones!”

Actor #2: “Hi! This is Joe Lamb?” you say. But then you realize its not really him.

Actor #1: “You’ve reached the shepherd voice messaging system. Thank you for calling. Sorry I’m not in right now. I’m either listening to someone else’s bleating or in a meeting. Please feel free to use our automated information system.

If you have a financial need Press 1.

If you are ill press 2.

If you would like to make a request on someone’s behalf press 3.

If you wish to report any mad cows press 4,

If you are calling about being attacked by wolves press 5.

And if you are lost please hold and someone will be with you shortly.

Due to the fact that this is a heavy calling period, actual ‘on hold time’ is four to five days. Response time may vary. We are sorry for the inconvenience. For quicker response visit our web site at:

Actor #2: WWW.Lost sheep @ wilderness/lambscape.http/baabaa.Blacksheep/hoofbeat//rod-staffcomfort.com

Actor #1: Imposter #3—The “all knowing cynical one” is my shepherd, I shall not want, his pout and rolling eyes they doubt me.

Actor #2: I knew this would happen. I really did. I can’t trust you, can I? You could be like the others. But noooooooooo! You got lost again. Hmmmm. What a shame. Yes shame. Shame on you! Shame, shame, shame, shame. Now am I going to have to put you in the corner of the pin.

Actor #1: Imposter #4— The judge is my shepherd I shall not want.

Actor #2: He leads me into sheep qualification trails

Actor #1: “Oh . . . you again. Yeah, sure I’ll be your shepherd. Are you ready to try again? Remember all you need to do is jump through these three hoops. Then I’ll be your shepherd. If my sheep dog can do it, you can too.”

Actor #2: “But my left front leg is broken and I’m not that fast,” you explain.

Actor #1: “Oh that’s too bad. You’d make a great member of the flock if you would stop making excuses and set aside your personal problems. I run a tight ship and if it is too hot, well then by golly, get out of the kitchen!”

Actor #2: And there are many other shepherds.

Actor #1: But there is only one Good Shepherd.

Actor #2: He’s not the ogre waiting for us to forget to floss so He can swat us with his golden fly swatter.

Actor #1: He’s not a passive god who sits around drumming his fingers on the throne, watching CNN for the latest on world-sized problems while yawning at our infinitesimal requests.

All: That’s not who God is.

Actor #2: The Good Shepherd is walking through the wilderness at nightfall.

Actor #1: His hands are calloused and wounded from caring for His sheep.

Actor #2: He calls out to His lost sheep.

Actor #1: But not a generic, “Hey-sheep-here-I-am call.”

Actor #2: He calls each by name.

Actor #1: As as He does, He weeps because He knows their pain.

Actor #2: He’s not a shepherd who screams,

Actor #1: or shames,

Actor #2: or kicks us back to the fold.

Actor #1: He calls us.

Actor #2: He finds us.

Actor #1: And He picks us up and carries us back home.

Actor #2: That is who God is,

Both: the Good Shepherd.

He: It’s a strange and timeless story.

She: A love story.

He: The story of Hosea and his wife.

She: And her name?

He: The story is a whole lot better if you don’t have to say the name.


She: But her name is important.

He: I know but—

She: Her name was Gomer.

He: If there is a lesson to be learned from this story, it’s don’t name your daughter “Gomer.”


She: No. There is a much greater lesson to be learned. Gomer was a prostitute.

He: Hosea was a preacher.

She: Not exactly the kind of match that you’d find on The Bachelor.

He: But reality television wasn’t around. God was the matchmaker.

She: And Hosea loved Gomer.

He: Have you seen my wife, Gomer? (speaking to an unseen person) Where?

She: And he would search, but he never found her—until he looked in the red-light district of the Northern Kingdom. Despite her lying—

He: despite her adultery—

Both: Hosea loved Gomer.

She: Despite her cruelty—

He: despite her sin—

Both: Hosea loved Gomer.

She: Why don’t you just leave me alone? I’m not good enough for you. I can’t live my life as a prophet’s wife. Stop rescuing me, Hosea!

He: I love you.

She: Listen to me! I don’t care. You pull me out of bars, and I’m going to return to them sooner or later. Love isn’t strong enough to hold me. I’m not the woman you dreamed I could be. Am I?

He: No. Not now.

She: You’re a dreamer.

He: You’re my wife.

She: I’m not your wife! I quit. I give up! Can’t you hear me?

He: I hear you, but—

She: Then leave—

He: I love—

She: me alone!

He: you. I love you!

She: Do you have any pride! Do you have any self-respect?

He: I have love!

She: That wasn’t the question. You’re ruining my business! Your love is humiliating.

He: I know it is. But it is also strong.

She: Hosea was a romantic in the purest form. Every fiber of his being was love. Every breath, every thought, every moment was consumed by a God-given love for his wife. Like a mad man to the world, he kept searching for this unrequited love.

He: No one—

She: not Shakespeare,

He: Browning,

She: or McCartney and Lennon

He: could write a song like Hosea lived.

She: This romance was a nightmare.

Both: Hosea was a failure. Hosea loved Gomer.

He: At the apex of this romantic catastrophe we find Hosea once again searching the inner city for his wife. And off in the distance he sees her. Captured by the pimps of that age who had her on the auction block. She was an ugly sight.


She: Bruised,

He: beaten,

She: naked,

He: humiliated,

She: destroyed—

He: she had nothing.

She: Hosea went back to their house and gathered all his possessions. His money, his food, everything of value.

He: And as the bidding began, he ran to the auction block. And the auctioneer began—

She: Who’ll give me five shekels for this woman.

He: Five!

She: Do I hear seven? Seven it is! Do I hear 10?

He: Ten!

She: Ten. Do I hear twelve? Twelve it is! Do I hear fifteen? Fifteen it is! Fifteen . . . Going once! Going twice . . .

He: I’ll give everything I have!

Both: Silence . . .

She: The crowd parted as Hosea gave his money and every ounce of food he had. He covered her trembling, humiliated body. He picked her up, this beaten woman who had been caged and chained like an animal. He picked her up and carried her home.

He: Paid in full.

She: A relentless romantic.

He: Solid as a rock.

She: God-like.

He: With a God kind of love.

She: Unheard of before this time.

He: Before the time when God looked down upon the auction block of the cosmos and saw you and me.

She: An ugly sight.

He: Bruised,

She: beaten,

He: naked,

She: humiliated,

He: destroyed.

Both: Chained and captured like an animal.

She: We had nothing.

He: And before the bidding began,

She: the earth quaked as God shouted,

He: “I’ll give everything I have!”

She: And the hammer fell

He: and ransom was laid down.

Both: Paid in full!

She: The romance of the ages!

He: The romantic—

She: Who gave birth to other romantics—

He: who loved regardless of circumstance—

She: despite lying,

He: despite adultery,

She: despite cruelty,

He: despite sin.

She: Hosea so loved.

He: God so loved.

She: Wives,

He: husbands,

She: you are invited to partake in the romance of the ages,

He: to enter into the very center of Christ’s love.

She: Totally loved.

He: Totally forgiven.

She: Totally freed to love each other

He: as Christ loved us.

Both: The romance of the ages.

She: God showed how much He loved us by sending His only Son into this wicked world to bring to us eternal life through His death.

He: In this act we see what real love is.

She: Dear friends, since God loved us as much as that, we surely ought to love each other too.

He: Therefore—

Both: go and love likewise.

 

© Matt Tullos