This is a light sketch on prayer.
Kristi: Oh, dear friend. I love You! I love You! I love You! You have been so, so good to me. Love You! Love You! Love You! I’m alive! I’m alive! I’m alive! And I love, love, love You!

The Friend: Thanks, I love you, too, and I was…

Kristi: I’m so glad You’re my friend. You are such a sweet friend.

The Friend: OK, but I thought maybe we could…

Kristi: How do I love Thee? Let me count the ways!

The Friend: I just thought maybe we could have some time together to talk about…

Kristi: I lift my voice to honor You, O great and wonderful friend.

The Friend: How are you doing? I noticed you’ve been struggling in several different relationships and…

Kristi: You are above it all! (looks at her watch) Oops! I have to be going.

(Kristi exits. Erin enters, then notices the friend.)

Erin: Oh, Hi! Hey that reminds me. I had a couple of things I need to talk with You about ”like my finances. Do You think You could get me that raise they’ve been dangling over my head for the past two years? My sis- ter is freaked out over her marriage. Jim’s driving her nuts, and they might get divorced.

The Friend: I see, but I wanted to…

Erin: And I have a crick in my neck. Could You work on that for me? And the missionar- ies…I hear they need some help.

The Friend: Which ones?

Erin: All of them. Right? Oh, there’s my cell phone. (talking on the phone as she exits) Oh, Hi Joe, I’m glad you called back. I’m bored stiff with you out of town. Let me catch you up on what’s going on in my life.

(Erin exits. Carly enters.)

Carly: OK. Here it goes. I don’t have much to talk about. Just the same old same old. I only have a few seconds before I need to get back to work. It’s important stuff I’m dealing with today, so make it snappy. Anything? I’m wait- ing. Good. Hopefully we can meet again tomorrow.

(Carly exits. Jerry enters.) 

The Friend: (to audience) Now there was a girl with an agenda.

Jerry: Hi. It’s me. Here’s my list: new tires better job help Bob heal toe Aunt Tabitha and her spleen the weather our preacher good grades for Michael all the third world countries, and the stock market

The Friend: But I need to talk to you about something that’s…

Jerry: Hold on. Let me check my list. Did I mention heal toe?

The Friend: Yes. I heard that one.

Jerry: That’s the right big toe ”some kind of wart thingy.

The Friend: I’ll see what I can do. (Jerry exits. Pat enters.)

Pat: Oh, Thou my friend of all friends. Thee whose holiness and righteous bulwarks are thus numerous upon Thy earthen sod. Wilt Thou, as the great being of my life, giveth grace to all who need Thee. And causeth all sundry blessing to fall before Thy throne.

The Friend: Say what?

Pat: Amen and Amen.

The Friend: (to audience) That’s Greek for over and out. (to Pat) Is that all?

Pat: Yes, quite. (Pat exits.) 

The Friend: Good. Have a nice day. (Karie enters)

Karie: Good morning. It’s me again. I have so much I need to tell You! Can You come with me?

The Friend: (to audience) Finally. (to Karie) I thought you’d never ask. Let’s go.

 

Actor #1: “The Lord is my shepherd,” David writes.

Actor #2: But what kind of shepherd is God? Through the years we have asked this question.

Actor #1: The deceiver has painted many portraits of God as shepherd. Perhaps you have one hidden away in the gallery of your psyche. Here are a few:

Actor #2: Imposter #1—

Actor #1: The dictator is my shepherd I shall not want. He leadeth me with his booming voice—

Actor #2: “You foolish creation! How dare you wander away from the flock. You are in trouble, big time! You hear me? Big time! Have I not told you time and time again to be good or else! And wipe that smile off your face. Grow up! Take your vitamins. Stand up straight. You’ll never measure up. What? Now you’re crying! Oh great . . . that’s just great. Stop crying before I give you something to cry about. I can’t believe how insolent you are. You are driving me crazy!”

Actor #1: After this long litany of complaints He grabs you by your wool sweater collar and his eyes bug out.

Actor #2: “You ought to be grateful that I didn’t kick you into the next century. I’m going to count to ten and if you don’t get back into the fold you are history!! 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9- BOOM!”

Actor #1: Lost Relationships

Actor #2: Boom!

Actor #1: Failure

Actor #2: Boom!

Actor #1: Financial problems

Actor #2: Boom!

Actor #1: Depression

Both: Boom!

Actor #2: Imposter #2- The preoccupied one is my shepherd I shall notwant. He leadeth me as soon as He gets off hold.

Actor #1: “Greetings woolen ones!”

Actor #2: “Hi! This is Joe Lamb?” you say. But then you realize its not really him.

Actor #1: “You’ve reached the shepherd voice messaging system. Thank you for calling. Sorry I’m not in right now. I’m either listening to someone else’s bleating or in a meeting. Please feel free to use our automated information system.

If you have a financial need Press 1.

If you are ill press 2.

If you would like to make a request on someone’s behalf press 3.

If you wish to report any mad cows press 4,

If you are calling about being attacked by wolves press 5.

And if you are lost please hold and someone will be with you shortly.

Due to the fact that this is a heavy calling period, actual ‘on hold time’ is four to five days. Response time may vary. We are sorry for the inconvenience. For quicker response visit our web site at:

Actor #2: WWW.Lost sheep @ wilderness/lambscape.http/baabaa.Blacksheep/hoofbeat//rod-staffcomfort.com

Actor #1: Imposter #3—The “all knowing cynical one” is my shepherd, I shall not want, his pout and rolling eyes they doubt me.

Actor #2: I knew this would happen. I really did. I can’t trust you, can I? You could be like the others. But noooooooooo! You got lost again. Hmmmm. What a shame. Yes shame. Shame on you! Shame, shame, shame, shame. Now am I going to have to put you in the corner of the pin.

Actor #1: Imposter #4— The judge is my shepherd I shall not want.

Actor #2: He leads me into sheep qualification trails

Actor #1: “Oh . . . you again. Yeah, sure I’ll be your shepherd. Are you ready to try again? Remember all you need to do is jump through these three hoops. Then I’ll be your shepherd. If my sheep dog can do it, you can too.”

Actor #2: “But my left front leg is broken and I’m not that fast,” you explain.

Actor #1: “Oh that’s too bad. You’d make a great member of the flock if you would stop making excuses and set aside your personal problems. I run a tight ship and if it is too hot, well then by golly, get out of the kitchen!”

Actor #2: And there are many other shepherds.

Actor #1: But there is only one Good Shepherd.

Actor #2: He’s not the ogre waiting for us to forget to floss so He can swat us with his golden fly swatter.

Actor #1: He’s not a passive god who sits around drumming his fingers on the throne, watching CNN for the latest on world-sized problems while yawning at our infinitesimal requests.

All: That’s not who God is.

Actor #2: The Good Shepherd is walking through the wilderness at nightfall.

Actor #1: His hands are calloused and wounded from caring for His sheep.

Actor #2: He calls out to His lost sheep.

Actor #1: But not a generic, “Hey-sheep-here-I-am call.”

Actor #2: He calls each by name.

Actor #1: As as He does, He weeps because He knows their pain.

Actor #2: He’s not a shepherd who screams,

Actor #1: or shames,

Actor #2: or kicks us back to the fold.

Actor #1: He calls us.

Actor #2: He finds us.

Actor #1: And He picks us up and carries us back home.

Actor #2: That is who God is,

Both: the Good Shepherd.