~

Perhaps the most repeated quote of the past few years, made famous through the excellent writings of Brene’ Brown is Teddy Roosevelt‘s anthem to those who dare to be in the arena:

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

This is true, especially for the Christ-follower. Scripture speaks of this trait through the lives of a myriad of saints who stories were told and untold. These are the unscripted lives of men and women who stepped out of the safe places into the the dangerous trappings of culture.We are reminded for the Warrior beside us with lighting in His quiver.

We are reminded in scripture of these heroes who rise up again and again in his or her moment of consequence.

Here are a few verse of the sound like Teddy:

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8

Woe to the man in the arena who does not hear the roar. The enemy prowls the circumference of the area. Be alert, self-controlled, ready at all times.   You adversary longs to make meals of missionaries and fools of followers. What you are doing, even in the closets of prayer, is important work, even if no one is watching. You will face a reckoning of consequence there even before the critics notice.

Beloved, are you facing adversity? Take heed. It is not because you are deemed unworthy. The adversity exists. This is war. Don’t lose the fight in your bones.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Joshua 1:9

Whisper the mantra of Truth: He is with you. The enemy of discouragement weighs the believer down with doubt. Surround yourself with encouraging people who are in the arena with you and avoid those who are stuck in the sideshows of sarcasm and cynicism. Cynical people will never do anything more than spectate and comment on the battle. They aren’t in it. Avoid them or you will become one of them.

They will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the LORD.
Jeremiah 1:19

We are not promised the absence of conflict in our lives. We are, however promised a Champion who is in the foxhole with you. I love how Eugene Peterson paraphrases Romans 8:

The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ’s love for us?

Isn’t it great to have a big brother like Jesus?

I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.
Luke 10:19

We can walk over the things that we would normally fear. We understand that what is over us is infinitely more powerful than what is under us.

Our society emerged as an over-diagnosed culture over the past ten years. We seem to have a name just about every disease, dysfunction and disorder. I don’t know why but I guess it’s a good thing to be able to understand ourselves or at least have an excuse for the crazy things we do! Through 29 years of being a dad I thought I’d hop on the bandwagon. Perhaps you have experienced one or two of these.

Dejavuphobia: A sudden fear that my son will make the same embarrassing mistakes on his first date that I made on mine.

O-snap-athy: Waking up in a panic on Saturday morning thinking that everyone in the house overslept for school.

Sockfunkify: the strange odor emanating from your kids bedroom after soccer practice.

Hyper-fossilicity: the ability of old stray French-fries to become rock hard in your car after two weeks.

Exchangopathy: Car Key Confusion when car keys are exchanged back and forth from my key ring and my son’s key ring.

Minivanusitis: a short-term curvature of the spine after a 16-hour drive to the grandparents home.

Explodeanese: the unintelligible language that bursts forth when teaching a child how to drive.

Involuntary Streakification: running out of the shower when you hear blood-curdling screams from your three year old.

Actorision: The insincere apology of a 12 year old who used your formal dining plates to attempt a juggling feat as seen on America’s Got Talent.

Photographic Fingernitis: The cramp in your pointer finger after videoing a 30-minute school play.

Chucky Cheesoring: Attempts to eliminate the ringing in your ear after three hours at your 5 year olds birthday party.

And then there’s my favorite:

Blessuphoria- Accidentally catching your daughter reading her Bible before heading off to school.

May you have more blessuphoria than involuntary streakifications!

Then Job spoke again: “My complaint today is still a bitter one, and I try hard

not to groan aloud. If only I knew where to find God, I would go to His throne

and talk with Him there. I would lay out my case and present my arguments.

Then I would listen to His reply and understand what He says to me. Would He

merely argue with me in His greatness? No, He would give me a fair hearing. Fair

and honest people can reason with Him, so I would be acquitted by my Judge.

I go east, but He is not there. I go west, but I cannot find Him. I do not see Him

in the north, for He is hidden. I turn to the south, but I cannot find Him.

Far from the comforting words of Psalm 23 the pleas of Job 23 shows a protagonist in search of a hiding God.The holy game of hide and seek. Job sings the anthem of a seeker. Lord, if You’ll show up, i’ll debate You, but i can’t find You right now. I counted to twenty, so God ready or not, here I come!

I seek You because life doesn’t make sense and the formulaic cause/effect mantra is played in vain. i don’t know how to pray. My prayers seem vain, pointless, and ineffective. I am calling out and my voice echoes to the far reaches of desert plains and majestic hillsides. And then only divine silence. What is this, Lord? Job asks.

God watches from afar. God knows that this moment in history is not a test of God’s realities. That is sure as gravity and granite. It is a test of Job’s dogged determination to believe even when God hides from him.

~

Recently I created a Facebook post on a page I manage using the voice of an unbeliever and her internal thoughts:

I’ve been looking over your files and I think I’ve narrowed down the diagnosis for your condition. You are uniquely you and that’s why you’ve been acting the way you have. I don’t think this condition will change. You’ll probably be you the rest of your life. You’ll continue struggling with this condition. Some days will be great. Others will not be good. Some days, in fact, will be agony. You’ll be especially susceptible to life. Your condition will continue to cause you pain. I know you’ve tried to shake this condition. You’ve tried in the past to be somebody else and that didn’t work. Discontinue this. It will never work.

The best thing you can do is to face up to your condition and stop trying to stop other people from being them. Especially the people you live with.

Besides that, since God has already decided to heal “you,” “you” must not be “someone else.” Otherwise “you” will be hopelessly unredeemable. You must come just as “you” are.

The bad news is that life (with “you”) will continue to be dangerous, painful, and filled with risk and failure.

The good news is that by accepting this diagnosis, life will be real and God will be the Powerful Redeemer you dreamed He would be.

I love this phrase. It is a three word equalizer. Whisper it when you become scattered and life is chaotic.

Perhaps it was all that fiery fundamentalist preaching I heard growing up or maybe because I had coaches that only spoke in loud, louder, and ear-ringing, facemask-grabbing vibrato. But I imagined God’s voice as a booming voice. However, I’ve learned that if you want to hear His voice, you’ve got to lean in a little. He speaks softly. He whispers. And so often listening involves shutting everything else off.

 Elijah learned this lesson at a low-point in his life when he was running scared from a controlling, powerful woman.  That must have been quite a day!  He wakes up to the aroma of fresh bread baked by an angel. Sometimes when we are exhausted and emotionally drained, the best thing we can do is to have a bite to eat.  There’s something wonderfully sacred about that. Notice, God didn’t strike him dead for his lack of heroism and abundance of fear. He fed him. That’s grace. Elijah went into solitude for forty days. He heard the wind. God wasn’t there. He heard the fire.  Nope. Not there either. Then he heard God in a whisper. Are you taking the time to listen to the voice of God? His voice is grace and nourishment for the hungry soul, like freshly baked bread over an open fire. His ready to speak, but Jesus is a gentleman. He’ll never interrupt.

Recipe for Settling the Instrument

• Eliminate Distrations
• Lean into the Silence
• Turn Something Off
• Create Space
• Give Things Away
• Reject Numbing Influences
• Acknowledge the Pain (a.k.a. teaching tool)

I recently ran into someone I knew in college at the mall in my home town. He was THE DUDE on campus. He married the campus beauty and received an assistantship at a prestigious law school in the northeast which allowed him to return home and begin a successful law office.

Amazingly, he remembered me. (I wasn’t THE dude. I was a lower case “dude.”) We decided to grab some coffee and catch up for a minute or two. He told me about his practice, his amazing house and two kids.

And I couldn’t help but notice the gaping hole in his story. What about his wife– that amazing wife he married shortly after we graduated?

I didn’t remember her name. Seems like it started with a “J.” Do I ask or do I leave town with this question bothering me for days? I thought, “What will it hurt to ask this guy about his wife?” So with as much ease and casual grace as I could muster I asked, “So how’s um … Jane doing?”

“Jill?”

“Right! Jill.”

John took a deep breath. “It ended after our second child was a toddler. She wanted way too much from me. I felt smothered and my personality just wasn’t connecting with hers. Jill was impossible. She got upset when she didn’t know where all my money was going. She constantly questioned my schedule. If I was a few hours late or had to stay at the office overnight without telling her, she’d freak. And she became very paranoid when I struck up friendships with the opposite sex. I felt like she assumed she married an Amish guy who signed an agreement not to have a life.

This was an uncomfortable situation for me. I hate people who judge others as much as anybody but I had huge alarms going off in my head.

How could someone so smart, be so far adrift in the oceans of relationships and marriage?

The three objections that he mentioned in his terse explanation created the perfect storm which led to a bankruptcy, joint custody, and many complicated, awkward conversations – like the one we were having.

You see, John had some rules about his life and his marriage. These marriage rules must be broken if your marriage is going to be everything you, your spouse and God desires it to be.

By all means, let your freak flag fly and break these idiotic rules our culture values.

Your money is your money.

Many couples I counsel fail to recognize that marriage as a financial partnership. God wants you and your spouse to work together and He’s quite interested in the way you handle money in your marriage.

It’s a tool God uses to teach us about sacrifice, unconditional love, communication, cooperation, trust and stewardship.

We learn these virtues in the classroom of finances.

The idea of separating the money that comes into the home is a dubious proposal. Leave a legacy of growth and sacrifice by working together as a family to achieve financial decisions and goals.

Your time is your time.

Every person needs time to be alone. It’s essential for prayer, reflection and restoration of mind and body. But to assume that your time is your time is to miss the entire message of a covenant marriage.

I know. You’re busy. But you’re married, too! Your time is no longer just your time. We have to learn balance. If you don’t have balance in your schedule, find it!

If you are making decisions alone regarding your time, your marriage can become toxic fast.

The issue of time and money can present the greatest threats to your marriage. Remember: the greatest barometers of your love for your spouse and your love of God are money and time.

In fact, Jesus felt so strongly about these two life values that He spent more time on them than He did on anything else.

Your friends are your friends.

(In other words, there should be no problem at all with husbands having a close female friend or two and the same for wives about a male friend.)

This is a rule that often leads to sticky, complicated messes. John held on to this rule with white knuckles until his marriage imploded.

He fell for a client with whom He spent lots of time. What began as an innocent working relationship grew into emotional cheating.

One may begin a relationship as functional allies. It may begin with an innocent compliment, then giving way to subtle flirtations, discussing marriage trouble, gift giving, sharing meals and traveling in the same cars.

And once that train leaves the station it’s difficult to stop.

Don’t trust your heart enough to do these things. Run away from these opportunities! Nothing good happens when you go there.

And the story continues…

So that’s the story of a friend of mine who didn’t break these insidious rules and broke his marriage in the process. In fact, he married the client.

Happily married today? No.

Believe it or not, she had the same issues with John’s rules as wife #1. They split in less than a year after their marriage began.

It’s the story of so many divorces: couples who were madly in love but refused to break some rules to save their marriage.

And if you want some rules that are truly liberating and provide the greatest chance to have a marriage that sizzles, try these:

• Love relentlessly.
• Never let anything stand between you and the love of your life.
• Celebrate the little things.
• Say important, loving words to your spouse today because you are never promised tomorrow.
• Control your work; spend the night with your spouse (not the other way around).
• Constantly invest in your relationship. The payoff is huge.
• Learn to forgive, forgive and forgive. It truly is divine!
• Admit your hurts and faults.
• Listen with your ears, your eyes and your touch.
• Open up. Speak the last 2% that you’ve kept to yourself.
• And last but not least – never, ever give up on your spouse.

I told my son to live with honor and He looked at me as if I was quoting Shakespeare. My grandfather taught me the definition of what honor is. I believe if he were alive today, he’d put it this way:

Honor is patience with those you love, not speaking harshly, respecting people who do for you when you cannot do those things by yourself, Honor is defending and praying for family members. Honor is defending the fort and having each other’s back. Honor is defending your wingman and understanding the chain of command. Honor is manhood in that when you become a man you provide for other people. Honor is when you realize this life is not about you. It’s about others. Honor is serving without the promise of return. Honor is realizing when you have been given food that you didn’t plant, slaughter or earn and you feel a sense of grace and gratefulness to God and others. Honor is looking at your future and the future of others rather than allowing the past trap you in bitterness. Honor is turning the other cheek when you have been falsely accused knowing the Lord will have the last word and it is not our to judge another righteousness. Honor is self-evaluation and being able to filter our actions through truth. Honor is saying, “Wow, I blew it. Will you forgive me?” Honor is replying, “Yes I forgive you. Let’s work on doing things differently starting today”

This is what honor looked like to me as a towheaded grandson because this is the way my grandfather lived his life. Man, do I ever miss him! I miss having such a powerful, flesh-and-blood example of what it means to be a husband, father and man of honor.

I hereby resolve:

to not take myself so seriously.

to not win arguments

to love the people nobody seems to be loving

to connect on a deeper level with my friends

to be honest in my conversations

to treat myself like Jesus treats me

to leave people alone when they want to be left alone

to not fix my family

to laugh more

to dream more

to give more

to treasure sleep

to weep without shame

to rest when I’m tired

to celebrate the accomplishments of others

to live wholeheartedly

to never judge

to always love

to be present

to be available

to put people above agendas

to live in a perpetual state of gratitude

In other words, this year, I’ll try to go to Heaven.

If I do all this I won’t have to wait until I die to get there.